The Capture and Rescue of David Boreanaz

[Hero]

Warning: Contains cursing and nudity.

The Capture and Rescue of David Boreanaz

Written by: Hero
Inspired/CO-Written by: Magui

Casting:
Darren - Thad Luckinbill
David Boreanaz - David Boreanaz
Emma Caulfield - Emma Caulfield
Hannah - Amanda Bynes
Jaden - Jaden
James Marsters - James Marsters
Lee - Shane West
Magui - Evan Rachel Wood
Marissa - Natalie Burge
Mike - Jesse Bradford
Nicole Tieri - Nicole Tieri
Ryan Starr - Ryan Starr
Stephanie - Rockell
Vi - Felicia Day

Into every generation three Agents are born. Three in all the world who have the strength and immaturity to hunt the television mascots and stop the spread of their numbers. They are THE AGENTS.



CUT!

With that word, another day of filming "Barney: The Dinosaur" had ended. The "innocent" children laughed and ran back to their dressing rooms. The working crew all left the stage and preceded to the directors trailer, where they'd all get drunk and do drugs. Barney, however, just needed to sit down. He'd been on his feet all day. He retired to small plastic chair, which bent under his weight. He took a small bottle of water out of his costume and drank the cold water. He closed his eyes as the cool water replenished his body and quenched his thirst. When he opened them, he saw three teenagers standing in front of him on the stage.

Barney: "Why hello! Who might you be?"

Stephanie: "We're not fans of your stupid show, for one thing."

Barney: "That's ok! My show isn't meant teenagers! It's meant to spread joy and laughter to the hearts of young children."

Mike: "Cut the crap, Barney! You're coming with us!"

Barney: "I'm sorry officer, but I don't know what I've done wrong."

Hannah: "Well, let's check, shall we?" [takes out a notebook] "Let's start with...draining all the Great Lakes of all traces of water...robbing a department store for sleeping pills...lighting a lawn elf on fire... The list goes on and on, really."

Barney: "You'll never take me alive!"

Barney rose from his chair and threw his arms in the air. Dark winds filled with purple energy swirled around him to the point where he was almost invisible in the tornado of evil. When the winds stopped, Barney had morphed into an angry grotesque dinosaur. Actually, he was still the same, his eyes were just big and red.

Stephanie: "Uh oh."

Barney swung his tail and knocked the three teens across the room. They collided with the wall and fell to the floor.

Mike: "I think it's time we show this guy who's boss."

Mike took a small wooden handle out of his pocket and held it in his hand. He pushed a button on the end of the handle, which caused the wooden bit to lengthen and grow into a strong metal shovel.

Barney: "You think you can stop me with a shovel?"

Mike: "It's not the size of the shovel! It's how you use it!"

Barney: "What do you mean?"

Hannah: "Ever hear of Agents?"

Barney: "Yes, I have. I hear they are delightful bundles of joy who save the world from people who wish to do harm to the kind city dwellers and...oh! You guys are the Agents?"

Stephanie: "Very good!"

Barney: "Oh, ****!"

Barney made a mad dash for the door, but he was held down by his large heavy wool costume. The Agents caught up with him and Hannah jumped on his back, wrapping her legs around his waist. She pulled a tazer out of her bra and jammed it into Barney's neck. It didn't work because the costume protected him from all forms of heat and electricity. Barney swung his shoulders and sent Hannah twirling into a plastic table, which broke under her weight.

Mike: "HEY!"

Barney turned to the sound of the voice, only to be met with a shovel to the face. The shovel also did no damage because the costume provided strong cushioning for his face. Barney grabbed Mike by the shirt and tossed him across to room, where he landed by Hannah. Stephanie watched her friends lying in a pile of debris and was enraged. She leaped in the air and kicked Barney in the face. The fury of her kick delivered some damage to Barney and he was dazed for a brief instant. Stephanie saw her chance and thrust her fingers into his face. Her long sharp nails penetrated his costume and went straight through his head, coming out the other side. She pulled her fingers out and Barney's dead body slumped to the floor. Mike and Hannah regained some strength and rose to their feet. They walked over to Stephanie, glancing down at Barney's dead body.

Mike: "Who would have known those nails you used to pinch me with would come in handy one day."

Hannah: "Didn't you have an appointment last week to get your nails done, Steph?"

Stephanie: "Yeah, good thing I canceled."

The sound of screeching tires echoed through the stage area. The doors burst open and the tactical team flooded into the room, followed by two Potential Agents. The tactical team hurried to Barney's body and checked him for any signs of life. There was none. A female Potential Agent leaned outside and waved in two more tactical team members who carried a gurney to carry Barney's body. The tactical team picked the heavy body up and carried him out. Just as the tactical team left, Emma Caulfield walked into the stage area. She looked around and then smiled at the Agents.

Emma: "Nice work."

Mike: "We were trained by the best."

Stephanie: "Who's the best?"

Mike: "Emma, of course."

Emma: "I hate to give you another assignment right after you just finished one, but this case involves a close personal friend of mine."

Hannah: "Who is it?"

Emma: "I've received word that a very powerful mascot has been monitoring David Boreanaz's life. The signs have increased the past two weeks and we fear an attack may be made on his life. I'm trusting you three to go get David from his house and bring him back to the lab where we can protect him until you take out the mascot that wants to end his life."

Mike: "We're gunna be helping David Boreanaz? Sweet!"

Emma: "Also, try to be back in two days because Lee arranged the winner of "Slut Idol" to stop by the lab to teach the Potential Agents how to be sexy. The head gear and baggy hoodies are not working for me."

Stephanie: "Got it."

Hannah: "Where do we find David Boreanaz?"

Emma: "Here." [she hands them a file] "All the information you need is provided in that file."

Mike: "Ok, well, let's get to work."

Mike, Hannah and Stephanie nodded to Emma and started to walk out of the room. Emma cleared her throat, signaling the teens to turn around.

Emma: "Oh, and, if you see any bunny's while on your journey, please run them over with the car."

[ana8]

Very interesting..Hope to read more soon...

[WatcherWes]

People that write fanfiction frighten me.

[Shattered Tears]

I LOVED it. Absolutely hilarious. PLEASE update soon!

[Magui]

See?,I knew you were gonna post it lol:p..Loved it!,Post more:D:D!!(don't forget that teddy bear buddy:p)

[Hero]

I won't. It's gunna be a little different from the version you read, because I don't remember most of it, LoL.

Mike, Hannah and Stephanie passed by multiple buildings as Mike drove the black convertible mustang GT down the inner city streets of a poor Californian city. Stephanaie was sleeping in the back seat, Hannah was in the passengers seat, and Mike was driving. He turned on the radio, but kept the volume low so he didn't disturb Stephanie. Phoebe Buffet's latest song, Smelly Cat, played on the radio. It had reached the number one spot in under a week. There was no one else driving on the street. It was dangerous to be out of your house in this part of the town at night.

Mike took his eyes off the road and looked at how much gas he had in the car. He bit his lower lip when he noticed the tank was almost empty. He sighed and pulled up to a local gas station and stepped out of the car. A friendly old man came out of a small booth and took Mike's credit card and went back inside. He came back out, put the gas line into Mike's gas tank, and went inside the small station building while it filled up. That's when he noticed them...

...Gap kids. It was a known fact that strange preteen children from old gap commercials wandered the streets late at night, looking for some poor fellow who they could kill. There were five of them. They were all huddled around a beat up car, but Mike new they had their sights set on him.

Mike: "I'm not in the mood for this..." [he looked at the file of David Boreanaz in the car] "I gotta save him before--"

One of the Gap kids flew into Mike and tackled him to the ground. Mike wrestled with him for a few seconds before shoving him to the side. They both stood up and Mike round house kicked the Gap kid in the face, knocking him into the booth. Two more Gap kids came up behind him and held his arms, making him unable to fight.

Mike: "Oh...Ok...We can talk about this right? I have connections. I'm sure I can get you in another commecial."

The lead Gap kid approached Mike, while the other two held his arms.

Mike: "Or not..."

Mike pushed himself off the ground and wrapped his legs around the kids neck. He swung his feet to the side and knocked the kid to the ground. His feet hit the ground and he immediatly brought his foot up into a kids crotch and head butt another kid holding him. They both let go and Mike punched one of the kids before they could attack him again. Mike ducked a kick from another kid and blocked a punch from another.

Hannah finally took notice of the battle outside and hopped out of the car. She was running to her friend when two more Gap kids jumped off the station booth and tackled her to the ground. She brought her foot up and hurled one of the kids to the side. She kicked the second in the face and pushed him to the ground. She ran to Mike and jump kicked one of the kids who was attacking.

Mike: "There's to many!"

He took a gun out his back pocket and took the safety off. He pulled the trigger and shot one of the Gap kids in the leg. Hannah took out her nerf gun and shot one of the Gap kids in the eye with a foam dart.

Hannah: "What do we do?"

Mike blew a hole in a Gap kids arm and Hannah shot another in the arm with a foam dart. A Gap kid surprised him and kicked the gun out of his hand. He dove for the gun and caught it, sliding on the hard pavement. It tore up the back of his shirt, and scraped his back heavily. However, he had his weapon, so it didn't matter. The four Gap kids that bad been shot finally exploded in a poof of cloth and disappeared. There will still to many and Hannah was out of ammo.

Mike: "Get in the car!"

Hannah jumped over a Gap kid that was lying on the ground and sat in the passengers seat, closing the door. Mike punched a Gap kid in the face and knocked him to the side with both hands. He put the gun back in his pocket and hurried into the car. He reached for the ignition and was about to turn it when Hannah grabbed his hand.

Hannah: "Wait!"

Mike: "What?"

Hannah: "The gas line is still in the gas tank. If you turn on the car, it'll explode with us inside."

Mike looked out his window to see the remaining Gap kids approaching the car, growling angrily. He turned back to Hannah.

Mike: "Then what do we do?"

Stephanie let out a grunt and opened her window. She reached her hand out and grabbed the gas line, pulling it out of the car. She closed the gas tank door and sat back in her previous position.

Stephanie: "God, was that so hard?!"

Stephanie closed her eyes and went back to sleep. She never liked to be woken up when she was in a deep sleep. Mike turned the keys in the ignition and turned on the car. He put his foot down and the car drove off, just as the Gap kids were in reach of the car. They pulled out of the gas station and sped down the street.

Hannah: "God damn Gap kids. Why are they so...angry?"

Mike: "I'd be angry too if I was in a stupid low budget commercial where I was dressed in uncomfortable unrealistic clothes. Especially the babies. Do you really think the babies know what the Hell their doing? Then when they grow up they learn that they've been taken advantage of and they get pissed."

Hannah: "You talk like you've been a Gap kid."

Mike: "I'm the leader Agent. Speaking in Buffy terms, I'm Buffy, you're Kendra, and Stephanie is Faith. I have to learn everything. I had to do a report on the Gap kids for Emma, so I learned a lot.

Hannah: "I'm some weird chick who got my throat cut?"

Mike: "Atleast you're not the slut."

Hannah: "Good point." [she pauses] "How's your back?"

Mike: "It's just a scrape...I'll be fine. I do need some new clothes though. But, we can't stop now because we have to get to David's."

Hannah: "What are we supposed to? Take him from his home because a TV mascot is gunna try to kill him?"

Mike: "Yeah, actually."

Mike suddenly swirved the car to the left of the street and the car bounced as it went over something in the road. Hannah looked out the back window of the car, but couldn't see what it was.

Hannah: "What was that?"

Mike: "A bunny."

Hannah: "That's so mean!"

Mike: "Hey, I'm just following Emma's orders."

Hannah: "How long until we get to David's house?"

Mike: "We should be there soon. I'll wake you up when we get there."

Hannah closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. A few seconds later, she awoke to the feeling of Mike poking her. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

Hannah: "What?"

Mike: "We're here."

Hannah: "Oh."

Mike: "Wake Stephanie. We gotta get to work."

Mike parked the car and they both stepped out. They were in a wooded area. There were trees and bushes everywhere. At the top of the hill, a large mansion could be seen over the trees. Mike walked to the back of the car and opened the trunk. He pulled out three black bags and set them on the ground, before closing the trunk. Meanwhile, Hannah had woken Stephanie in the back seat of the car. Stephanie rubbed her eyes.

Stephanie: "What's going on?"

Hannah: "Get read, it's time."

[Magui]

You copied a part twice lol:p...Yup,you changed it a lil,but it still rocks:D.Post more:)

[ana8]

Loved the fact tha you used Phoebe's song:) really good but I think you posted it twice..

[Shattered Tears]

Awesome. (Except you've got the same thing down twice.) But seriously, awesome. I can't wait to read what happens next! Post soon!

[Hero]

Yeah, I did. I went back and edited though. I'm gunna work on the next part later. Magui knows how it goes and all David fans will be very pleased.

[Magui]

How the heck did that happen?(the delated post),...weird...

Well,what was I saying?,..oh,yeah,...we all will be very pleased:D:D.keep writing boy:)

[Hero]

Hannah stepped back and let Stephanie exit the car. They stood next to each other for a brief second and then walked to the back of the car where Mike was going through a black bag. There were two other black bags lying next to his. Mike pulled a pair of black jeans out of his bag.

Mike: "Black...of course..."

Hannah: "Whatcha got there?"

Mike: "Gift bags from Emma. We got our spy clothes, extra ammo, equipment, everything.

Stephanie: "We have to change?"

Hannah: "Yeah. We gotta look the part."

Stephanie: "There's not even anyone here to see us..."

Mike: "Just get dressed and shut up."

Minutes later, the three teenagers stepped out of the forest, all wearing black spy clothing. Action music played in the background as they stepped forward, looking tough. Stephanie swung her hair to the side, looking dangerous and sexy and reached into her pocket. Any man with a brain would expect her to pull out a gun. Instead, she pulled out a tape recorder and smashed it on the ground. The action music stopped.

Stephanie: "I hate that thing..."

Mike: "Let's move."

The three teens walked to the base of the hill and looked toward the mansion at the top. Mike opened his spy bag and pulled out a hook shot. He loaded the device and fired it. A hook tied to some rope shot out and attached itself to the gutters on David's house. Mike held onto the rope and slowly started scaling the hill. After about ten minutes, he arrived at the top, nearly out of breath. He was unhooking the hook when someone tapped him on his shoulder. He screamed and turned around to see Stephanie and Hannah behind him.

Mike: "How'd you get here so fast?"

Hannah: "There's a path up the hill." [she pointed to it] "Very convenient."

Mike: "Why didn't you tell me?"

Hannah: "You were already going up the hill. We didn't want to bother you."

While her two friends talked, Stephanie noticed a security camera sitting on a tree branch. She went into her black bag and pulled out a crossbow. She fired a bolt into the camera, causing it to explode.

Mike: "Everyone ready?"

The two girls nodded in agreement. They walked to the door and turned the doorknob. Luckily for them, the door was unlocked. They entered his house, quietly closing the door behind them. All was dark and quiet in the house.

Stephanie: "Maybe he isn't home."

That statement was shattered when the sound of water running echoed through the house. Someone was in the house. They just had to find out where. Stephanie walked into the kitchen and pulled a fork out of the sink and put it in her pocket.

Mike: "What are you doing?"

Stephanie: "He's famous! We might not ever see him again after tonight."

Mike: "That's no reason to mug the guy! Put the fork back."

"What are you doing in my house?"

A voice rang through the room, causing the three teens to look to the doorway. Someone was standing in the door frame. A woman. She stepped forward into the light where she could be seen clearly. It was David's wife, Jamie.



My cousin just emailed me, so I'm gunna take a break from writing to answer her. I'll post something later today.

[simply slayer]

I don't get it... There are three spies, Emma is their leader person, and they are trying to save David's life... Right?

[Hero]

Yes, that's correct. I have pnemonia so I can't do anything except sit around and do nothing. I had a dream the other night so I'm trying to make a fan fic out of it, that's why it's so weird.

[Anya_Harris]

Ohh!! Funny, me like....Evil Barney and Gap Kids...where did you come up with this? Seriously, you must be crazy and love watching tv...now Gap had kids? Hm...

[Shattered Tears]

Hello... Where's the rest of your story?! Don't stop now, pneumonia boy! Get to work! *whip* I want to be the JEDI-WHORE!

[Hero]

Jamie crossed her arms over her chest and walked into the room casually. She sticked to the shadows, moving slowly as to build up suspense and cause unease in the Agents. Mike watched her move around the room trying to understand what she was trying to do.

Jamie: "You never answered my question. What are you doing in my house?"

Stephanie: "So, the envy of teen girls all around America likes to hide in the shadows. Are you trying to hide something?"

Jamie: "I'm not trying to hide anything. Word of advice kids, keep your weapons hidden better next time. That is if there is a next time."

Jamie put her hand out and almost like telekinesis, the gun flew out of Mike's back pocket and Hannah's tazer were pulled away from them. Jamie reached her hand into her pocket and pulled out a metal rod. A lightsaber. She gripped the rod and the light shot out, forming a beam like sword.

Jamie: "There's one more thing I want to say before I kill you."

Mike: "And what might that be?"

Jamie: "Mike...I am your father!"

Mike: [eyes widening] "...Really...?"

Jamie: [laughs] "No! Of course not! Do I look like a guy to you?"

Mike: "Actually, ye--"

Mike ducked as the lightsaber zoomed past his head. Jamie took another swing and Mike jumped back. She took another slice and Mike moved to the right. Mike kicked the lightsaber out of her hand and tackled her to the ground.

Mike: "Don't worry about me. I'll take care of Sameri Jack and you guys go get David."

Jamie: "No, I think they should stay."

Jamie backhanded Mike, sending him flying across the room and into Hannah and Stephanie, knocking them down. The three scrambled to their feet and turned to run, but they were trapped in a corner. Jamie picked up her lightsaber and continued towards them. Hannah starts kicking the wall effortlessly.

Jamie: "What are you doing?"

Hannah: "I'm trying to punch a hole in the wall so we can escape."

Jamie: "Oh."

Jamie held the lightsaber in her hand and prepared to take the final swing when a dark mass flew through the air and bit her face. The three teens watched the dog pull her face off before padding over to them and sitting down, wagging her tail.

Stephanie: "Since when do dogs bite people's faces off?"

Mike: "Since when do people's faces come off?"

Hannah: [flipping through David's file] "That's Bertha Blue! She's David's dog! I''m gunna take her back to the tacticle van and I'll meet you back at the lab."

Hannah held the dog by the collar and walked out of the house. Mike picked Jamie's face off of the floor and looked at it. Jamie was lying on the ground, but Mike could hear something crackling. Stephanie pulled Jamie into the light and they were shocked at what they saw! Jamie's face was hanging open and there was wires everywhere! Jamie was really a robot! A door slowly opened and what did the Agents find inside? A spongemonkey sitting in a chair inside Jamie's body, controling her.

Stephanie: "Jamie's a robot!"

Mike: "Very good!" [looks at the spongemonkey] "What the Hell is that?"

Spongemonkey: "We love the subs...because they are...good...to..."

The spongemonkey breathed his last breath and died inside the robot he had been using for years. Mike looked at Stephanie, blinking.

Mike: "That can't be good."

Stephanie: "No, not at all."

Mike: "Didn't Emma say something about a spy monitoring David's everyday life?"

Stephanie: "Yeah."

Mike: "Do you think that Robot Jamie and the Spongemonkey could be the spy...spies...that were watching him?"

Stephanie: "Probably."

The sound of running water echoed through the house, causing Stephanie and Mike to look up towards the ceiling. They looked at each other and rose to their feet.

Mike: "You think that's David?"

Stephanie: "There's only one way to find out."

Mike and Stephanie slowly walked out of the kitchen. They found the stairway and started walking upstairs. They walked up to the bathroom door where the sound was coming from and pushed it open.

[Shattered Tears]

Oh my gosh... Continue! It's great! I LOVE the Spongemonkey, BTW! Please, keep going!

[Hero]

There was fog everywhere which made it hard to see through the bathroom. Mike and Stephanie both squinted in an attempt to see through the haze in the room. Someone was in the shower, that was a given, but who? Who was in the shower?

Stephanie: "What do we do?"

Mike: "You go take a look. See who it is."

Stephanie: "Why do I have to look?"

Mike: "Because if it's David then you get to see him naked and I don't have bad pictures burned into my memory."

Stephanie: "And what if it's a girl?"

Mike: "It's not like you've never seen a boob before, Steph."

Stephanie: "Well, what if it's not David and it's a girl? Would you really want to miss out on seeing some ass?"

Mike: "Good point." [he pauses] "We look together?"

They both walked forward, being careful not to drag their feet and make any noise that would alert the person in the shower to their presence. Their hearts raced as they approached the shower. Suddenly, the water was turned off! Stephanie and Mike both freaked and tried to run, but bump into the wall they would have been able to see if it wasn't for the haze in the bathroom. Mike picked a towel off of a visible table and held it in the air, hoping the person would be fooled.

They listened as someone stepped out of the shower and ran their hands through their hair. Mike continued to hold the towel, turning his head to the side nervously. Luckily, the person was fooled and they grabbed the towel from Mike's hands without knowing he was there. Mike looked towards the ceiling and mouthed "thank you". Whoever it was turned on a radio and "Mandy" played in the background.

Mike: (whispering) "Now's our chance!"

Mike snuck out of the room without making a sound. He stepped into the hallway and waited for Stephanie to exit the bathroom. Seconds later, she did, and they both breathed a sigh of relief.

Mike: "Did you see anything?"

Stephanie: "No. Did you?"

Mike: "No. This is turning into the mission from Hell. We should talk in another room where he won't be able to hear us. Come on."

The two remaining Agents walked down the hallway and went inside the last door on the right. They quietly closed the door behind them and faced the room they were in. There were windows on the right side. There was a huge walk in closet, a king size bed, a dressers, a television and play station. There some pants on the floor.

Mike: "****, I think we're in his bedroom."

Stephanie: "Thanks for that Captain Obvious."

Mike: "Ok, so--"

The sound of someone walking down the hallway alerted them that someone was coming! They both jumped, waving their arms around in the air. Stephanie made a run for the closet, but Mike tripped her. That would be his hiding place. He jumped over her, ran into the closet, and shut the door before Stephanie could get in. She ran to the door and pulled on it, trying to get in, but Mike wouldn't let her. She ran back into the middle of the room, jumping around worriedly. She spotted a pair of pants on the floor and ran to them. She quickly pulled them on and slid under David's bed, making it look like they were uselessly kicked under the bed.

The person finally entered the room, humming to himself. Mike watched from the closet and his eyes widened when he saw who it was. It was David! Finally they had located the target. Now they just had to find a way to get him out of the house safely. Mike turned away, covering his eyes, when David dropped his towel. David walked around the room naked and saw the pair of pants Stephanie was hiding in on the floor. They would be caught if David got to close.

David stopped abruptly and looked towards the closet where Mike was hiding in. He started walking and Mike saw him coming. He ran in circles in the closet, trying to find a place to hide.

Mike: "****...****...****...****...****..."

David opened the closet door and stepped into his walk in closet. He walked to the side, where a dresser was placed. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of black boxers. He walked out of the closet, closing the door behind him. Mike dropped down, rubbing his hands which were in pain. Who would have known all those movies with the people hanging off the back of the doors actually worked?

Meanwhile, David walked to the other side of the room and sat on the bed. He pressed a button on his answering machine and started listening to the messages that he missed while in the shower.

Stephanie: (telepathically) "Is it him?"

Mike: (telepathically) "Yeah."

Stephanie: (telepathically) "Thank God."

Mike: (telepathically) "Where are you?"

Stephanie: (telepathically) "In his pants. Where are you?"

Mike: (telepathically) "I'm in his closet. He just came in here to get underwear, but he didn't see me."

Stephanie: (telepathically) "Did you see him naked?"

Mike: (telepathically) "Yes...Ew...Walking porns were not in my job resume."

Stephanie: (telepathically) "It was in mine."

Mike: (telepathically) "And that's why you're the slutty agent." [he pauses] "Since when have we had telepathy?"

Stephanie: (telepathically) "Who knows? Who cares?"

Another person entered David's bedroom, shutting the door behind them. Mike looked through the crack in the door to see David's costar, James Marsters walk into the room.

Mike: (telepathically) "What's James Marsters doing here?"

Stephanie: (telepathically) "...Don't wanna know..."

Mike: (telepathically) "I should call Magui. She'd murder all of China to see this right now." [takes out his cell phone and turns it on and dials Magui's number] "Come on...Come on..." [she doesn't pick up and he hangs up his cell phone] "Ok, so, now what do we do?"

Stephanie: (telepathically) "Let's just wait for a little while."

James stopped when he saw David sitting on his bed, wearing barely any clothes. He covered his eyes and laughed nervously.

James: "Sorry, mate, didn't know you were in here."

David: "It's my bedroom. Where else would I be? It's all right. I'm covered up anyway. I was just listening to some messages."

James walked to the window and looked outside. His eyes immediately caught sight of the tactical van parked outside the mansion. James turned and looked back at David.

James: "There's a van parked outside your house."

David: "Where?"

James: "Come look."

David got off his bed and walked to the side of the room where James and the windows were. He looked down the side of the hill and saw the tactical van parked on his lawn. He sighed and reached for a phone that was lying on his bed.

James: "What are you doing?"

David: "Calling the police. It could be some psycho stalker."

Mike burst through the door, firing a bullet into the phone David was holding. David dropped the phone and looked at Mike, shocked.

David: "What the Hell?"

Mike: "Wait a second. Let me explain. I'm a spy who was sent here to protect you. Someone very very bad is after you and one of your friends sent me here to protect you."

James: "What friend?"

Mike: "I'm not hear to protect you, thus I'm not talking to you."

David: "How do I know you're telling the truth?"

Mike: "For one, you could go downstairs and see the robot body of your wife. That's right. Yes. Your wife was a robot who was sent to monitor your daily life. She was being controlled by a spongemonkey."

James: "Like from the Quizno's Subs commercial?"

Mike: "Exactly. We were able to take out the robot, but there is still someone much worse after you. That's why you have to get out of here now."

David: "I can't just leave. I have my dog and my son in the house. I can't just leave them."

Mike: "Don't worry about your dog. Another Agent took her back to the tactical van parked outside. Yes, correct. The tactical van is my ride out of here." [turns to James] "You go get David's kid and bring him back here." [turns to David] "You put some clothes on because we have to get out of here and I don't want you getting pneumonia out there."

James left the room. Stephanie wiggled out from underneath the bed and smiled at David Boreanaz. She shook his hand like a crazed fan, smiling the whole time.

Stephanie: "Hi...David...I'm a huge fan. I'm also one of the Agents sent here to help you."

David: "Nice to meet you."

Stephanie handed him the pants she was hiding in. He took them from her hesitantly and then put them on. He hurried to his closet and pulled out a hoody. He pulled that on and slipped on a pair of shoes.

Mike: "Ready?" [David nods] "Let's move out!"

Mike walked to the door, opening it. He nearly bumped into James who was staring at him blankly. James was holding Jaden (David's son) in his arms. Mike took Jaden from James and handed him to David. James was still just standing there, doing nothing.

Mike: "James...are you ok?"

James's dead body fell to the floor, blood all over his back. Mike's eyes widened as he noticed the trail of blood leading back to a room at the end of the hallway. Someone very evil was in the house. Mike closed the door and leaned against it.

Mike: "Change of plans. Can we climb out a window?"

Suddenly, a knife plunged through the door, almost catching the side of Mike's head. Mike screamed and Stephanie pulled him out of harms way. The knife penetrated the door again, making a small hole. A small furry hand moved around in the hole, trying to get into the room to unlock the door.

David: "What the Hell is that?"

Mike: "Stephanie will explain on the way! I have a plan! David, does this door open up both ways?"

David: "Yeah."

Mike: "Good..."

Mike forced the door open quickly, pinning the attacker to the wall on the other side. Stephanie, David and Jaden hurried out of the room and ran down the hallway. Mike held the door to the best of his ability, but the attacker was to strong. He over powered Mike and was able to move away from the wall.

Snuggles: "Agent Hero, how nice it is to see you again."

Mike: "Snuggles...the sight of you still sickens me."

Stephanie was running down the hallway when she saw Snuggles knock Mike to the floor. She stopped and turned around, running back to help Mike. Mike saw Stephanie running back, and the knife in Snuggles hands, but it was to late. Snuggles hurled himself into the air and slashed Stephanie's throat with the knife. Her body fell to the floor, pinning Snuggles to the ground.

Mike stood up and ran past Stephanie and Snuggles. He grabbed David by the arm and pulled him the rest of the way down the hallway. Stephanie was still alive, however, and grabbed Snuggles before he could slip away.

Snuggles: "What are you doing?"

Stephanie: "I'm saving my friends."

Stephanie rolled up her sleeve, revealing a high tech watch. She pushed a button on the side and the numbers slowly began to count down.

Snuggles: "You'll die too!"

Stephanie: "Hello, you gut me like a kitten in China. I'm gunna die anyway!"

Meanwhile, Mike, David and Jaden ran out a door and into the garage. David ran to a car and put Jaden in a car seat in the back. He ran to the drivers seat and sat down. Mike hurried to the passengers seat and hopped in. The keys were in the ignition, a bad habit of David's. David turned the keys and turned on the car. He pulled out of the driveway and sped down the hill just as the house exploded, killing Stephanie...but Snuggles had escaped somehow...

Mike sighed, resting his head against the back of the seat. David looked at him while driving and sighed.

David: "Thanks for back there. I mean, thanks for saving my life."

Mike: "It's no problem. It's part of my job."

Suddenly, a small furry fist punched through the hood of the car and reached for the passengers inside the car. David sighed and let go of the wheel, turning to Mike.

David: "Take hold of the wheel!"

Mike: "Why? What are you gunna do?"

David: "I'm gunna end this!"

David slipped out of the drivers seat, as Mike grabbed onto the steering wheel. David stood on the top of the car, amazingly keeping his balance. Snuggles pulled his fist out of the top of the car and clutched a knife in his other small furry fist.

David: "Why do you wanna kill me?"

Snuggles: "Because all the girls in the world want to hug you! But what about me?! I'm soft and cuddly...and I make things smell nice, God damnit!"

Snuggles hurled himself at David. He sliced at him with the knife, but David kicked it out of his hands. Snuggles punched him in the face and kicked him in the stomach. David spun around, recovering, and kicked Snuggles square in the face, knocking him down on the hood of the car. He picked up the knife that was dangling from the hole in the hood of the car.

Snuggles: "Who the Hell are you?!"

David: "I'm Angel. I beat the bad guys."

Snuggles: "Even if you kill me...She will still get you!"

David brought the knife blade down, cutting Snuggles in half. The two pieces of fuzz flew off the top of the car, disappearing in the wind. David slipped in through the window and sat in the passengers seat of the car.

David: "Where are we going?"

Mike: "To the lab... Did you kill Snuggles?"

David: "Yeah. His ass has been served..."

[ana8]

Great..Especially dead Masters part and of course David naked:)

[Shattered Tears]

W00t, w00t! Awesome, Mike! Poor Steph, though! And poor Snuggles, although he's the bad guy... Please post the next part ASAP!

[Hero]

[Mike pulled up to the High School and stepped out of the car. David followed behind him, carrying Jaden. Jaden didn't like being held by someone he didn't know, so he squirmed around in Mike's arms.]

Mike: "Hey, David, you mind carrying YOUR SON. I'm afraid I'm gunna drop him or something."

David: "Oh, yeah, sure." [David takes Jaden from Mike] "So, where are we going exactly?"

Mike: "The portal to Head Quarters is located in my period one classroom."

David: "Why did you decide to put it there?"

Mike: "It was Hannah's idea. We have first period Spanish together, and that way if something ever happened, we had a quick way to get back to Head Quarters."

David: "So, there's a portal to a secret agent head quarters in the Spanish room in a High School?"

Mike: "Yes."

David: "Oh."

[David and Mike walked through the front entrance to the school. There was a tile picture of a tiger displayed on the floor, which David stepped on, thinking nothing of it.]

Mike: "Uh oh."

David: "What?"

Mike: "You just stepped on the tiger."

David: "So?"

Mike: "It's like the school emblem. Let's hope no one saw us."

[Someone did see them, however. A janitor came running at them, screaming all sorts of things in Spanish. David looked at Mike and they both smiled nervously.]

Mike: "Um...Yo soy Michael George."

Janitor: "¡No cuido! ¡Usted acaba de caminar en la mascota de la escuela! Y
usted es un estudiante, así que estoy llamando el principal."

David: [out of the corner of his mouth] "What's he saying?"

Mike: "I think he's saying I don't care. They something of the school. They something. What are something the principal. I haven't learned all those words yet."

[The Janitor started running off to tell the principal that a student let someone damage school property, when a foot appeared out of a corner and tripped the janitor. Magui stepped out of the corner and kneeled next to the janitor, who was lying on the floor.]

Magui: "Estoy tan apesadumbrado. No le vi el venir alrededor de la esquina.
Debemos haber chocado. Apesadumbrado."

Janitor: "Eso es aceptable. Es mi avería, falta."

[Mike snuck up behind the janitor and tapped him on the shoulder. The janitor turned towards him, and Mike punched him, knocking him out. Mike pulled him into the science room and put him in the cage with the pet turtles, Lelo and Stitch.]

Magui: "I was handling in it."

Mike: "My way's faster."

[David walked up to them and stood quietly as they talked. Magui saw him and her jaw dropped.]

Magui: "You know that David Boreanaz is behind you right?"

Mike: "Ye--"

[Magui pushed Mike out of the way and smiled at David.]

Magui: "Nice to meet you, David."

David: "Nice to meet you, too. What's your name?"

Magui: "I'm Magui."

[Magui shook his hand, but didn't let go. After a while he grew somewhat uncomfortable and tried to pull his hand away, but Magui had a grip on him.]

Magui: "Hi."

David: "Uh...Hi..."

Magui: "Hi."

[Mike put a paper bag over David's head, and Magui snapped out of the hypnosis type state. Magui looked around.]

Magui: "Where'd David go?"

Mike: "He went...to...the bathroom."

Magui: "Oh. Walk and talk. We gotta get to head quarters."

[Magui started walking. David started walking the wrong way, not being able to see through the paper bag. Mike took his arms and pulled him down the hallway.]

Mike: "So...what do you gotta tell me?"

Magui: "Well, Stephanie died in your battle against Snuggles, correct?"

Mike: "Yes. Right."

Magui: "That means that a new Agent is going to take her place. You know how the prophecy goes."

Mike: "Into every generation three Agents are born. Three teenagers with the coolness and stealth to stop evil TV icons from doing evil things. When one Agent dies, another is called."

David: "This seems a lot like--"

[Mike put a hand over David's mouth. Magui looked around, excited.]

Magui: "I HEARD DAVID! HE'S HERE SOMEWHERE!"

Mike: "No, he's not. He's in the bathroom!"

[David stumbled around in the background, unable to keep his balance as he was pushed around randomly. He pulled the paper bag off, shaking his head. Magui caught sight of him and squealed loudly. She ran and jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist. David tossed Jaden to Mike as he and Magui tumbled to the floor. Mike caught Jaden and set him comfortably on the floor. He walked to Magui and pulled her off David.]

Mike: "No sexually attacking our target!"

Magui: "You're an Agent! Not me! I can do what I want!"

Mike: "You can do whatever you want to him as soon as we get him inside. We could have been followed so we need--"

A body burst through the wall, causing bricks and debris to fly down the hallway. Dust flew up in the air, causing smoke to fill the hallway as well. Luckily, Jaden was safe from the debris and smoke since he was on the floor. The smoke faded and dropped to the floor. Standing in the hole in the wall was a man in his early 30's. He was wearing a performance fleece and cargo pants. His hair was done stuck up with hair jell. His fists were clenched at his sides and he growled angry, drool dripping to the floor.

Mike: "Oh...My...Goddess....."

The man roared loudly and charged at Mike. Mike punched at the man, but he blocked his arm, throwing it to the side. Mike kicked at him, but the man ducked. The man punched him in the gut, knocking him to the floor. Mike scrambled to get up, but only made it to his knees. He swung at the man's legs, but the man caught his arm with one hand and grabbed him by the throat with the other. He raised him off the floor by his throat, choking the life out of him.

David: "He's killing him!"

Magui: "We have to do something!"

[Magui looked at David and Jaden. She grabbed Jaden and David and dragged them down the hallway and put the stairs, leaving Mike to die. They were on the second flight of stairs when David stopped.]

David: "You're just gunna leave him there?"

Magui: "He's an Agent. I'm not. If he's getting his ass kicked, I have no chance. If both of us die, then you die, and it's our goal to protect you. Now, please keep going up the stairs. We're almost there."

[Downstairs, the man was savagely beating Mike into a state of unconsciousness. There were to many broken bones, to many bruises, to much blood loss; Mike would be dead in a few minutes.]

Hannah: "HEY!"

[The man turned towards the sound of the voice and was met with a watermellon to the face. He fell back, grabbing Mike as he fell. He stood up and used Mike as a weapon. He swung his body at Hannah who back flipped over her fellow Agent. She kicked Mike out of his hands and attempted to kick the man, but he was to quick. He knocked her foot out of the way and punched her in the face. She fell back, unconscious as well. The man slowly approached the two fallen Agents, ready for the kill.]

Mysterious Woman: "No, not yet."

[The man growled something in a primitive language, but the mysterious woman knew what he was saying.]

Mysterious Woman: "Yes, I know, but if we kill them now, we won't be able to track them back to the lab and find David. Once we do that, then you can kill them all you like."

[The mysterious woman pulled a brightly colored and expertly wrapped button out of her purse. It said "Innocent" on it. She placed it on Mike's shoe. She took out another one and put it on Hannah's shoe as well. She hummed to herself and started walking off, the man following behind her.]

[Magui]

OMG!!!,This is SOOOOO awesome!!.Really!....and,.mmm,naked Daivd ::drool::

Mike: "Into every generation three Agents are born. Three teenagers with the coolness and stealth to stop evil TV icons from doing evil things. When one Agent dies, another is called."

I laughed during five minutes after reading that part!!lol:D:D

It's terrific,keep writing,I love it:: tu ::

[mikeisannoying]

oh wow Mike. you scare me sometimes. but it is funny and people seem to like it. keep going i guess.

[Hero]

[As if he had weights tied down on them, Mike slowly and painfully opened his eyes. It took him a minute or two for his vision to become perfect. He was in the hospital wing of Head Quarters. He sat up in the hospital bed, still looking around confused. He noticed an IV sticking out of his arm and he grimaced at the thought. He wasn't a big fan of needles or medical things at all.]

Ryan: "You're awake."

[Mike turned towards the sound of the voice. He smiled when he saw Ryan Starr standing in the doorway. She walked into the room, coming into the light better. She was wearing her casual clothes. She was a clothing designer and she was skilled in ripping clothes to threads and sowing them back into something better than the original design. Her shirt was very low cut as always. Mike wondered if she'd ever wear a normal shirt, not that he was complaining.]

Mike: "I don't even remember going to sleep..."

[Ryan walked past the empty hospital bed in the room and to Mike's bed side. She leaned forward, trying her best not to hurt him, and hugged him. Her long dark hair fell onto his shoulders as he put his hand on her back. She pulled away and smiled at him.]

Ryan: "Sorry to ruin this tender moment we're having, but I should probably call one of the doctors."

Mike: "I guess so..." [he paused] "Hurry back, yeah?"

Ryan: "Of course."

[Ryan untangled herself from him and walked out of the room, waving her hand behind her as she left. Mike leaned back against the hospital bed and sighed to himself.]

Mike: "I wonder if I can get some cheese while I'm here..."

[Moments later, Ryan reentered the room, followed by Lee. Lee was wearing blue hospital scrubs and carrying a clip board. Mike looked past him, trying to locate the doctor. Lee couldn't be a doctor. He was to young.]

Mike: "Where's the doctor?"

Lee: "I am the doctor."

Mike: [laughing nervously] "Seriously?"

Lee: "Yes." [looks at Mike] "I hope you don't mind wearing the white hospital clothes. We were out of blue."

Mike: [noticing his change of clothes] "AH! When did that happen?"

Lee: "While you were unconscious. Emma rehired Michael Jackson and he was in charge of changing you. We left him alone with you while you were unconscious. We should trust people a little more."

Mike: "What!?"

Lee: "Just kidding...Michael Jackson is working daycare today."

Mike: [to self] "That's safe..."

Lee: "Can you stand?"

Mike: "There's only one way to find out, isn't there?" [hops off the bed] "Yup. I can walk."

Lee: "Ok, good. I'm gunna take you back to my office so I can check and make sure you're not dying." [turns to Ryan] "You can't come."

Ryan: "Why the Hell not?"

Lee: "Because you're not an Agent or a Potential Agent for that matter. My room is for official business and only works are aloud inside."

Ryan: "But, I work here! I make the fashionable spy clothes for the Agents!"

Lee: "You were employed by Stephanie, but since she no longer among the living, you're no longer--"

Mike: "Hey!"

Lee: "Sorry. That was heartless of me." [to Ryan] "Ms. Starr, you'll have your boyfriend back as soon as I get him checked out."

Ryan: "Fine..."

[Lee nodded at her and ushered Mike out of the room. They walked down the hallway and past a few doors. Finally, they entered a room numbered 666. There was an examining table in the center of the room and Mike hopped up, knowing the procedure.]

Lee: "Let me take your temperature."

Mike: "No."

Lee: "Why not?"

Mike: "Because I don't have a fever."

Lee: "I still have to take it anyway."

Mike: "Why?"

Lee: "Because it makes my paper look full if I have more things written down on it." [goes to a drawer and pulls out a thermometer] "Now do you want it in your mouth or up your butt?"

Mike: [coughing] "What...? Oh...I'm good putting it under my tongue, really."

[Lee handed the thermometer over to Mike, who put it under his tongue. He swung his legs in the air like a child as the thermometer took his body temperature. After five minutes, Lee pulled it out and looked at it.]

Lee: "97.2. That's a little weird. Normal body temperature is 98.6. You're more than one degree below normal."

Mike: "Maybe it's just an Agent characteristic."

Lee: "Maybe. How are you feeling? Are you dizzy or weak?"

Mike: "No. Why?"

Lee: "You lost a lot of blood. Luckily, Agents heal quickly so your body made more blood quickly. I still needed to check though."

Emma: [walking into the room] "Glad to see you're awake, Mike."

Mike: "It's nice to be awake."

Emma: "You took a nasty beating from that creature, didn't you?"

Mike: "Yeah I did. Mind telling me what I was fighting?"

Emma: "An Old Navy person. Old Navy people are like the commercial people that the Gap kids fear. I suspect that the Old Navy person is here as an agent of whoever is after David. I would think that Snuggles hired him, but since David Boreanaz sliced him to pieces, I don't think it's him.

Mike: "So, how do we kill this thing?"

Emma: "The same way you kill a Gap kid. Damage the heart somehow and they'll explode into cloth in a few seconds. Only problem is, the Old Navy person is a Hell of a lot stronger, faster and vicious then a Gap kid. We're all working on it now, so when we figure something out I'll let you know." [to Lee] "How's our number one patient doing?"

Lee: "He's doing fine. Everything is in order except for his broken ribs, which I'm going to wrap up. Then he's free to move around as he pleases."

Emma: "Good work. See to it that he goes to his room in the living quarters of Head Quarters, please."

Lee: "Yes, ma'am."

Emma: "Thanks."

[Emma left the room, leaving Lee to finish treating Mike. Mike took his shirt off as Lee wrapped gauze around his body, making a makeshift cast while his ribs healed. Mike put his shirt back on and hopped off the table.]

Mike: "I have so much to do and we don't even know who the new Agent is yet. Do you know where Hannah is?"

[Lee looked down at the floor, not meeting Mike's eyes.]

Mike: "Lee...what is it?"




[Mike and Lee stood outside a hospital ward bedroom. Lee stood outside the door and waved Mike inside. Mike walked in and approached the bed at the end of the room. Hannah was lying in the bed, still unconscious, in a coma.]

Mike: "This is all my fault..."

Lee: "No, it isn't."

Mike: "If I had fought better she wouldn't be in a coma."

Lee: "You heard what Emma said about the Old Navy person. You're both lucky to still be breathing."

Mike: "Yeah...lucky...two down...one to go..."

[Mike walked out of the room, passing Lee as he left. He walked down the hallway and exited the hospital ward. He was walking down a long hallway when a blonde girl zipped past him on a razor scooter, almost knocking him down. He watched the girl speed down the hallway and turn a corner. He shook his head. HQ had the weirdest people in the world coming and going day after day. He continued through a big room where everything was happening! There were people sitting at desks, Potential Agents training, Emma giving orders, Lee looking over some folders, Ryan was working on some clothes, scientists and mechanics were making new equipment, and people were coming and going like at an airport.]

Potential Agent: "Mike, the winner of Slut Idol is here to see you." [she handed him a folder] "She's waiting for you in lobby."

Mike: "Thank you."

[Mike took the file from her and nodded, continuing on his way. He entered the lobby and immediately noticed the extremely trashy girl sitting in one of the chairs. She was blonde, with huge breasts, and was barely wearing any clothing. He sighed. This wasn't a good day. He walked up to her and extended his hand.]

Mike: "Hey, I'm Mike."

Marissa: [looking at his hand] "Hi. Nice to meet you." [looks at his hand again] "Is there something wrong with your hand."

Mike: "No, just trying to be polite." [opens the file] "It says here that you're the winner of slut idol. How many people did you beat out of the spot?"

Marissa: "...Green...?"

Mike: "I'm sorry, green is a color. Please try again."

Marissa: "I want some juicy juice."

Magui: [walking by] "She beat out 30,000 people."

Mike: "How do you know?"

Magui: [still walking away] "I watched the show."

Marissa: "You know, Mark..."

Mike: "Mike."

Marissa: "Mike...you look like you could use some fun. What's been bothering you?"

Mike: "Barney. Gap Kids. Robots. Spongemonkies. Snuggles. Janitors. Old Navy People."

Marissa: "You look so rugged and manly with all your cuts and bruises. It's really turning me on."

Ryan: "Back off, Barbie, he's mine."

Marissa: "Really. I don't..." [long pause] "...see your name on him!"

Ryan: "Actually yeah." [pulls on the collar of Mike's shirt, revealing her name sown in] "Hah."

Mike: "Aside from seducing me, you have a specific task to take care of today."

Marissa: "A sexual task?"

Magui: [walking past again, sarcastically] "No, a brain teaser."

Mike: "Where are you going now?"

Magui: "To check on David...again..."

Mike: "Anyway, you have to teach the Potential Agents how to be slutty."

Ryan: "Is that really a good thing?"

Mike: "Kinda...They could seduce weak minded men easier and get information without actually sleeping with them." [waving over a Potential Agent] "Marissa needs an escort to the gym. Please take her."

Potential Agent: "Sure thing."

Mike: "Thanks." [watches them walk off and turns to Ryan] "I need some sleep."

Ryan: "Of course you do." [taking his hand and walking] "Although, I'm gunna stay up because I don't trust that girl not to have sex with you in your sleep."

[As they walked, a loud beeping sound filled the whole HQ. People started rushing to stations as the whole place went into chaos. Someone was wrong. Mike spotted Emma running around and waved her over.]

Mike: "What's going on?"

Emma: "Something's found our HQ and is on it's way up here. I have a feeling it's the--"

Mike: "--Old Navy person...yeah...great..."

Emma: "You think you can handle it?"

Mike: "I don't really have a choice."

Ryan: "What? You can't go fight that thing again. It'll beat the crap out of you."

Mike: "Thanks for your support."

[Suddenly, the 12 inch reinforced steel door flew off its hinges and flew into the room, crushing someone as it landed. Mike stared at the figure in the door. It was exactly who he had expected - the Old Navy Person. It growled and charged at them.]

[Magui]

That was terrific!.Post more!!!,please:D:D

[Shattered Tears]

::bows:: Yes, I am the Whore. W00t!

Good job, Mike. Keep going.

(There; I R & R'd. Happy now?)

[Anya_Harris]

Hm....can we say...psychopath! No, kidding!!!! I love...um....David? This is hard...pass!!

But really...Mike is a little dreamer here...Ryan Starr is your girlfriend...and these things...and everything, I'm scared...is that the point...I think so!

[Old Master 3.0]

If I may......Hero and Magui, and whoever else is involved with writing this.......this is nothing short of excellent.
I am truly envious here, this takes real talent to do. Well done.

I look forward to further installments.

>

[Hero]

I think you're being sarcastic, LoL. And if you're not, then thanks.

[Old Master 3.0]

Not at all.....'twas a sincere compliment of your work......I wouldn't have posted here otherwise.

Sarcasm? Feh....I save that for those that deserve it....like my good buddies Rayne and Jacklyn....:P

[Hero]

Well, thanks for the kind words. Sometimes it's hard to figure out how people mean something online since you're not actually hearing them say it. So, sometimes I get confused, especially when someone says they'er envious of me, LoL. Thanks for taking the time to R&R.

[Old Master 3.0]

Well, it's true in my case...I AM envious. Lol. When I write fiction.....I tend to write tons of exposition.....and not enough dialogue and character interaction....I suck completely at dialogue. But you...you're very good. Your stories are well-rounded, just enough of everything.

Again, I look forward to further installments. Please don't be like me.....writing a chapter once every five years...lol.

Keep up the good work...both of you.

[ana8]

Great..It's really interesting and different from most of fanfiction I've read..

[Hero]

Thanks Ana and Old Master. I'll have something posted tomorrow for you. Right now I'm going to bed. It's 2:35 am and it's been a long day. Until tomorrow...

[Hero]

Anya_Harris made me a banner for one of the characters in the fan fic! Here it is!

http://img4.photobucket.com/albums/v29/glowing/banners/Starr1.jpg

I'll post a new chapter of the story later today.

[Buffy Summers]

Warning: Contains cursing and nudity.

Just a reminder that the rules of the board apply to fanfic.

[Hero]

i haven't done anything illegal have I? I'll go back and edit if you feel it needs to be done. There's just been stories with graphic sex scenes and explicit cursing and I thought that if I put a warning it would be ok, but I could always edit if you think I need too.

[Buffy Summers]

I didn't notice anything in the first couple pages so just reminding.

If any threads do have graphic sex in it when we find it it will be gone lol

[Hero]

I'm gunna abreviate because saying old navy person over and over again will get annoying. So now ONP - old navy person.


[Mike stood his ground as the Old Navy Person charged at him. He stared into his eyes, unafraid. Actually he was afraid, but he didn't want to let him know that. The first brutal attack hit, knocking the wind out of Mike. He struggled to stay to his feet as he was hit in the face. He spit blood onto the floor and took a shot at the ONP, but it was easily blocked. The ONP spun and kicked Mike in the legs, knocking him to the floor.]

[Everyone started to gather in the lobby where the battle was taking place. David, Jaden, Magui, Emma, Ryan, Potential Agents, Scientists, Marissa, Lee, Nicole Tieri, Michael Jackson and everyone else in HQ were there. They each had a lawn chair and sat down, watching the battle.]

Marissa: "I'd like some big nuts right about now..."

[They all stared at her. Did she just say what they think she did?]

Emma: [sighing] "Me too..."

David: "Let's try to keep our vocabulary clean. I don't want my son hearing you people talk about...testicles."

Marissa: "I was talking about peanuts..."

Everyone: "Oh."

Vender: "Peanuts! T-Shirts! Foam Fingers! Hot Dogs!"

Magui: "Oh! I want a foam finger! Over here!"

[Meanwhile, Mike was still battling the power evil force of nature. The ONP ***** slapped him and as Mike turned back, he punched him with his other hand. Mike kicked the ONP in the stomach, the only shot that actually hit the whole fight. The ONP grabbed him by the throat, choking him. Mike brought his hands down on the ONP's and dropping to the floor he swept the ONP, causing him to fall to the floor.]

Lee: "I think we need live music."

Ryan: "I can take care of that for you."

Nicole: "Well so can I."

Michael Jackson: "Me too!"

Vender: "Anyone? Peanuts! Lare salty peanuts!"

[Mike punched the ONP in the face and kicked him in the stomach before he could recover. It was like he had been reborn and that Hannah and Stephanie were fighting along side him. Together, they were unstoppable. He couldn't let Stephanie's death be in vein.]

Emma: "Anyone have a camera?"

Potential Agent: "I do! Wanna take a picture?"

Emma: "Of course. We can add it to the photo album page entitled "Mike gets his ass kicked, again."

Marissa: "You know I could just go up there and seduce the ONP into doing my bidding. How do you think I won Slut Idol? I just seduced the two male judges."

Michael Jackson: "David, can I hold Jaden?"

David: "Yeah, su--"

Magui: [grabbing his hand] "No, don't do it! Keep your son where you can see him!"

Michael Jackson: "I think I know who I can call for life music!" [dials his cell phone number] "Hey, it's your loving brother. Do you think you can come down to HQ and sing a song for us?" [pauses] "Yes, and bring that fine piece of man ass with you." [hangs up] "All set."

Marissa: "Man ass?"

Michael Jackson: "Justin Timberlake."

Marissa: "What the ****...?"

[The ONP knocked Mike across the room with a powerful punch. He slammed into the wall and slumped to the floor. As the ONP approached, Mike kicked him in the knees. The ONP person quickly recovered and picked him up and started punching his face repeatedly.]

[Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake walked in through the broken enterance and put a CD player down on the ground. Justin plugged it in and music started to play. Everyone watched and smiled as Justin and Janet started singing and dancing around the room while Mike was in a battle for his life. They all stood up and started dancing.]

Emma: "I love this song."

Lee: "It's the only song I really know by her. So, yeah, I like it too."

[Even Mike and the ONP started dancing. Everyone was having a good old time and the battle had stopped for a moment as the ONP and Mike danced to the music Justin and Janet were providing. At the end of the song, Justin pulled off Janet's shirt, revealing one of her breasts. That distracted the ONP for a brief moment and Mike saw his chance. He punched his hand through his body and pulled his heart out. A few seconds later, he burst into cloth and faded away. Mike smiled and looked to his friends, but they were to busy watching Justin and Janet, still.]

[From the hospital wing, as soon as Mike destroyed the ONP, Hannah's eyes flew open and she sat up in bed. She was awake.]

[ana8]

Really cool..Post more soon:)

[Magui]

This is the most weird fic I've ever read lol:p..but I love it,keep posting Mike:D:D

[Shattered Tears]

Mike... I just got yelled at for laughing my ass off as loud as possible at 12:30am by my mother, but that's besides the point. I LOVE IT! Please, keep going! It's HILARIOUS!

[Hero]

You're reading this at 12:30 am? You do know we have school in like 7 hours...well...actually one now, but bleh. She shouldn't be up at that hour anyway. The Mad Mad House reunion special is on and she needs her rest before she goes.

[Magui]

School in one hour?luck you..I'm already at school..and shouldn't be doing this now shhhhh!lol:p.I only slept 3 hours...*zzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Well,pretty OT,sorry:p

Post more Mike!!!!

[Tru_Davies]

Mike...this is the best story...we need to act this out it will be so funny.lol...u know stephanie will come back.

[mikeisannoying]

whats taking you so long to update?

[Hero]

Sorry for the long wait. School weeks are long and stressful and soak up all my fan fic writing time. I'll try to do a little bit more this week.


Mike was kneeling on the floor, watching the pieces of cloth slowly levitate to the ground. He sighed a sigh of relief, finally being able to breathe after his deadly battle. He looked over towards his friends, but they weren't paying any attention. Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake were still having a show on the other side of the room. He shook his head and tried to get up, but he was to tired to rise to his feet.

Hannah: "Need a hand?"

Mike looked up from the floor to see his friend staring down at him, her arm extended. He reached up, grasping her hand, and was able to stand on his own to feet. He quickly pulled her into a hug.

Mike: "You're awake?"

Hannah: "Actually I'm just a figment of your imagination."

Mike: "Oh...damn..."

Hannah: "Actually I'm really awake." [she looked around] "I guess I missed a lot while I was asleep?"

Mike: "Just me getting my ass kicked."

Hannah: "Oh that happens all the time. I didn't miss much."

Mike: "No, I guess you didn't."

Tacticle Member: [pushes past them and walks to Emma] "Ms. Caulfield, we found something in the reckage near David's mansion. I think it's worth your time to come see what it is."

Emma: "Certainly." [she looked at David] "David, give Jaden to Ryan, she's great with children. You and Maguie come with me." [she yelled at Hannah and Mike] "You two come with me as well."

Emma walked towards the tacticle working center, followed by Mike, Hannah, David, Magui and another Potential Agent. They walked into the main room where metal table lay flat in the room. There were all sorts of debris covering the table, but nothing out of the ordinary as far they could tell. A tacticle member walked out from a back room and handed David a bag.

David: "What's in the bag?"

Tacticle Member: "Stuff we were able to recover from your house after it was blown to pieces. We found your wallet, all important papers, family photos...and oddly your leather pants and your leathy duster survived as well."

David: "Yes! My favorite." [David changed in front of them, making Mike and the male Potential Agent look away, but Magui kept her eyes locked on him, drooling slightly] "Sorry about that."

Emma: "Ok, strip show over. What do you have to show us?"

Tacticle Member: [holding up a green bean] "This!"

Mike: "Starch?"

Tacticle Member: "No! Don't you know what this is?"

Hannah: [taking the green bean and eating it] "Dinner?"

Tacticle Member: "No! It was a green bean?"

Magui: [starts crying in terror] "NOT A GREEN BEAN!"

Mike: "I'm missing something here."

David: "As am I."

Tacticle Member: "This isn't a normal green bean."

Potential Agent: "Then what is it?"

Hannah: "Hey, who are you?"

Potential Agent: "I'm Darren."

Everyone: "Hi Darren."

Emma: "Anyway, continue please."

Tacticle Member: "Thank you. As I was saying, this isn't a normal green bean. This is an item that's used by The Jolly Green Giant to work with people's souls."

Mike: "I had to research him a while back." [thinks] "A giant green giant made out of vegetables...Can keep a soul in a body, can switch souls, save souls, kill souls, play soul bowling. He lives in another dimension that's guarded by an angry old woman with a hook...He likes cheese..."

Magui: "I don't get it. What does this mean?"

Tacticle Member: "Well, this might explain how Snuggles survived the blast and it gives us some new information on Stephanie's death."

David: "How did Snuggles survive?"

Tacticle Member: "With this green bean, The Jolly Green Giant was able to keep Snuggles' soul in his body, thus keeping him from dying, kinda like a zombie. That was how he survived."

Hannah: "What does it have to do with Stephanie?"

Tacticle Member: "It's obvious he can use these pea pods to do evil, so my guess is that he has Stephanie's soul with him in his realm."

Emma: "Is there anyway for us to know for sure."

Tacticle Member: "Well, yeah. It says right here." [points] "I used this pea pod to take Stephanie's soul to my realm."

Magui: "Why didn't you just tell us that?"

Tacticle Member: "I was just trying to build up expense."

Mike: "Ok, then, we're going to his reality to get her soul back. We can't bring her back because her body was blown to bits, but atleast we can let her soul rest."

Tacticle Member: "It's not gunna be that easy."

Hannah: "Why not?"

Tacticle Member: "CareBears run wild through that plane. You need to find a leprachaun so that he can get you in and out properly."

Mike: "Where can we find a leprachaun?"

Marissa: [sticking her head in] "I know where."

* * * * *

The Middle School hallways were quiet and clean. It was after hours and all the schools and most of the teachers had gone home to live out the rest of their day. Mike, Hannah, Darren, David, Magui and Marisa walked in the school through the front door. They passed the main office and made a right down the first hallway. Each of them had a weapon because Middle Schoolers were dangerous. They had devowered a family of bunnies early that year, who knows what they could to humans.

Mike: "So, where is this leprachaun exactly?"

Marissa: "He's in room 44." [she spotted a male janitor working down the end of the hallway and grinned deviously] "You guys are on your own. I have to make money right now."

Marissa departed from the group, leaving the others to walk the rest of the way down the hall until they arrived at room 44. Mike went in first, pushing the door open. He walked inside, followed by the others.

Mike: "Everyone stay quiet. No one move until I tell you to. We have to take the leprachaun by surprise before he can teleport away. Everyone stay quiet."

Mike bumped into a shelf and a dead stuffed fox fell into his arms. He screamed, taking the fox in his hand, and threw it into the glass window. It crashed through the window and hit Marissa and the janitor in the head, knocking them both out. Someone turned on the light switch! Everyone turned and looked at the light switch, but no one was there. They all dropped their gaze to see a tiney man standing in the door. He was barely two feet tall. He had short brown hair and a small beer belly.

Mike: "Are...Are you Mr. Bennett?"

Mr. Bennett: "Of course I am. You were in my geography class in 7th grade and my history class in 8th grade. Don't you remember me?"

Mike: "Imposter!"

Mr. Bennett: "I'm not! This is just my true form! I take it that you know I'm a leprachaun?"

Hannah: "Well, duh."

Mike: "We need your help, Bennett."

Mr. Bennett: "With what?"

Mike: "Stephanie's soul is trapped in the Jolly Green Giants dimension and we have to find a way to get it back. Our tacticle team informed us that we need a leprachaun to guide us through that plane."

Mr. Bennett: "I understand. I just have one question for you..."

Magui: "What would that be?"

Mr. Bennett: "Do you think you can beat...Mrs. Savage?"

David: "Who's Mrs. Savage?"

Mr. Bennett: "She's an angry elderly black woman who guards the enterance to his realm. She carries a hook and if by luck you manage to not by into her lies and buy an OBSERVER, she'll tare your neck out with the hook. She's a guidance councelor too, so odds are she'll use your issues against you."

Darren: "I don't know guys, she seems...tough."

Mike: [putting his hand on Darren's shoulder] "Don't worry buddy, we can take on anything. Well, actually, we used to say that when Stephanie was around. Can we really take on anything with only two Agents?"

Hannah: "Only one way to find out, right?"

Mike, Hannah, Darren, David, Magui and Mr. Bennett walked to the Guidance Center and walked inside. Mr. Bennett pointed to a locked door with black paint seperating it from the white paint. Mike turned and faced the group.

Mike: "Hannah and I are going inside. David, Magui and Darren, you three stay out here and make sure nothing comes in behind us. If this turns out to be a trap, you run your asses out of here and back to HQ. Got it?"

David/Magui/Darren: "Got it."

Mr. Bennett: "Where do I go?"

Mike: "You have to come inside with us."

Mike kicked open the door and went inside. He was shocked to see that everything was black. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, the books, the paper, the furniture, the lamp, everything. Hannah and Mr. Bennett followed him inside, shocked as well. Suddenly the door flew shut and Mrs. Savage appeared in the room.

Mrs. Savage: "Hello children. Would you like to buy the OBSERVER for 50 cents?"

Mike: "No thank you..."

Mrs. Savage: "I'm sorry, little white boy! Are you talking to me?!"

Mike: "Who else would I be talking too?"

Mrs. Savage: "Why don't you wanna buy an OBSERVER? Is it because I'm black and I'm selling it?! WOULD YOU BUY IT IF, GOD FORBID, A WHITE WOMAN SOLD IT?!"

Mike: "What the Hell?! I never said that! I! AM! NOT! Racist!"

Mrs. Savage: "LIAR!"

Mrs. Savage took her hook out of know where and swung it at him. He ducked and caught the hook before she could pull it back to her. He started struggling over the weapon with her, not fighting back.

Hannah: "Why aren't you fighting back?"

Mike: "I can't hit a female! Plus she's old and that's just wrong!"

Hannah: "Fine, I'll do it."

Hannah kicked Mrs. Savage in the stomach and punched her in the face. Mrs. Savage pushed Mike back and swung at Hannah with the hook. Hannah backflipped avoiding the hook and kicked Mrs. Savage in the jaw.

Mrs. Savage: "BUY THE DAMN OBSERVER! IT'S ONLY 50 CENTS!"

Hannah: "SHUT UP! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE ****ING OBSERVER IS!"

She grabbed a lamp and tossed it at Mrs. Savage. She swung her hook and broke the lamp into pieces. She swung again, to which Hannah moved out of the way. Hannah round house kicked her in the face before punching her in the gut. She took her tazer out of her bra and shocked Mrs. Savage with it until her head exploded.

Hannah: "...Ok, does anyone know what the Observer is?"

Mr. Bennett: "It's the school news paper."

Mike: "Why would she want to sell it to us?" [pulling a way a curtain revealing the portal to the Jolly Green Giants reality] "We don't even go here."

Mr. Bennett: "Not anymore you don't."

Mike, Hannah and Mr. Bennett stepped into the portal and disappeared. When they reappeared, they were in anothere reality. Everything was made out of green vegetables. The trees were long pieces of brocillie, the grass was...well...grass, but everything in the normal world that wasn't made from vegetables was made from vegetables.

Mr. Bennett: "Keep your eyes pealed you guys. If the CareBears see us, who knows what could happen."

[Shattered Tears]

Yay! Finally, an update! Please post more soon! I love it!

[Magui]

''...and oddly your leather pants and your leathy duster survived as well."
''David changed in front of them''


Oh My God!!!!.......I'm drooling sooooo hard!lol:p
I love this story!!!.Post more Mike!!!!::D:D:D:D:D........NOW:p!

[Hero]

Character Updated:
Name as self
Kindred as herself
xtrustno1x as herself
ana8 as herself
elmo as herself
OLD MASTER 2.0 as himself
Mr. Pointy as himself
Faith as herself
Cordelia as herself
Buffy Summers as herself
Chastity as herself
Shell as herself
Rayne as herself
killerdwarf as himself
Alyson as herself
Anya_Harris as herself
mikeisannoying as herself

updated coming later today...

[ana8]

Yay..I'll be in the story..Just please pick not so painful death for me,ok?

[Hero]

I don't think I'm mean enough to kill any of the BB members off, so no worries.

[ana8]

Good to know..just wanted to make sure and be prepared for everything

[Magui]

Rayne is gonna be in the story!,cool:D...Now I won't be the only one who wants David to do kinky stuff with James lol:p...btw,bring him back

[Hero]

They'd been walking for hours and they hadn't found the slightest clue to where the Jolly Green Giant could be hiding. Everything was just so great! He could be blending into the surroundings, following them, and they wouldn't even know it. Mr. Bennett kept jumping and dancing in front of them, shaking his butt. Mike tried to kick him a few times, but Hannah had stop him. He was the only guide they had to take them through this realm. If he left, they'd be stranded.

Hannah: "How long are we supposed to guard David Boreanaz for anyway?"

Mike: "Just until we find whoever wants him dead and stop them."

Hannah: "I thought Snuggles was the one who wanted him dead."

Mike: "Snuggles was just an agent of this big bad, as were the others."

Hannah: "What about his kid?"

Mike: "Jaden?"

Hannah: "Yeah."

Mike: "What about him?"

Hannah: "Well, don't you think it might be a little dramatic for him to watch all this happening?"

Mike: "That's why Ryan is taking care of him away from all the fighting and destruction."

Hannah: "Oh great."

Mike: "What? Ryan's good with kids."

Hannah: "Yeah, but she's like...punk rock girl. David might get him back with a mowhawk."

Mr. Bennett: "Hold up, much taller mortals." [squints his eyes] "I see something. Looks like an attacking rainbow..."

Mike: "What...? Rainbows don't attack."

Hannah: "What is it then?"

Mr. Bennett: "Carebears...."



Darren, David and Magui were still anxiously awaiting the return of their friends. They'd entered Mrs. Savage's room and made themselves feel at home, ignoring the very dead body on the floor. David was seated on the cough, his right arm stretched over the top. Magui was sitting in a chair indian style. Darren was spinning in a wheely chair, trying to keep himself amused.

Magui: "What's taking them so long?"

Darren: "Maybe they ran into some trouble."

David: "Let's try to keep our outlook positive. Maybe they found Stephanie and they're having a good time."

Magui: "Yeah, maybe they're having a tea party right now!"

Darren: "Great. Now you've gone and done it. You talked about drinks and now I'm hungry." [stands up] "I wonder if they have any cheese in this place..."

David: "Where are you going?"

Darren: "To look for some food."

David: "I don't think you should go alone."

Magui: "He's right. We should all stick together."

David: "Maybe we shouldn't even leave then. No affence, but Mike told us to wait here and what if one of the Old Navy People show up? I don't think two Potential Agents will be able to protect me if two Agents got their asses kicked."

Magui: "Come on, David."

Magui locked arms with David and pulled him off the couch. They walked out of the room, following close behind Darren.

Magui: "There's no danger here."

Unseen to them, an Old Navy Person dropped down from the ceiling tiles. He growled to himself, clenching his fists together tightly. He stalked after the three humans, following in the shadows.

[ana8]

Nice..even tho quite short

[Magui]

More!(that sounded wrong)..Post more!:D...I gotta know what happens next:D:D!!!

[Shattered Tears]

PLEASE post more, Mike! I NEED to know what happens with the Carebears. (Carebears... lmao.) And what happened to the winner of Slut Idol? Is she still like... knocked out or something?

[Hero]

I'll post another chapter of the story tonight, and then there's only one chapter left. ::tear::

[Hero]

The local Walmart is motionless and quiet as the sun begins to set in the New Jersey area. All signs of life are gone except for inside the store. A meeting is happening between two factions. Six or seven Old Navy people line their side of the store as the Mysterious Woman from before steps out to a center table. A dozen or more hooded figures stand on the opposite side, their leader stepping out and sitting down as well. We will now find out who the Mysterious Woman is and what she wants with David Boreanaz.

Hooded Leader: "Why do you call us here, Martha?"

Martha Stewart: "You've heard the underground talking, haven't you? I have declared war against the Agents and so far I'm winning, however; they are putting up a good fight. For the final battle I need a little more backbone."

Hooded Leader: "And what makes you think that we can provide you with this extra backbone?"

A small, shorter hooded figure walked out from the others and stood behind his leader. He leaned his head down towards her ear, whispering something to her.

Hooded Leader: "It seems that our meeting place is being shared with a shopper. She is becoming annoyed and is requesting service. She's in isle eight."

Martha Stewart: "First, my father made me work day and night for my whole young life. Second, I'm caught sharing stock secrets and I went to jail. Now, I can't even have a meeting without being interrupted! YOU!" [points to an Old Navy Person] "Go take care of customer, if you know what I mean."

The Old Navy Person nodded, clenching his fists together. He turned swiftly and stalked off towards the unsuspecting customer.

Hooded Leader: "You two go with him." [she pointed to the shorter figure and another taller girl in the group] "Now!"

The two hooded figures quickly left the room the same way the Old Navy Person did. Once out of site, the two figures threw off their robes, revealing their identities! Ann (ana8) and Gary (Killerdwarf) from Buffy-Boards! They put some pep in their steps and ran towards the Old Navy Person's direction. When they got there, the Old Navy Person had the customer by the throat.

Gary: "Hey!"

The Old Navy Person dropped the customer and dove at the two fighters. Gary and Ann both ducked out of the way and rolled to the side, hiding behind some boxes.

Gary: "Question. If one of these things kicked Mike's ass, than how are we supposed to fight him?"

Ann: "I don't know. I don't really care either."

Gary: "Well, we have to kill this guy somehow. I mean, if he gets free, he could very well be the monster that kills David."

Ann: "David? David who?"

Gary: "David Boreanaz."

Ann: "They're threatening him?"

Gary: "Yes."

Ann: "Leave it to me..."

Ann stood up, giving away her hiding place to the Old Navy Person. He growled loudly, almost drooling on the floor and charged at her. She jumped in the air, Matrix Style, and kicked the Old Navy Person in the face. It stammered back and she ***** slapped him, her nails digging into his cheek, blood splattering on the floor. Gary stood back and watched. He noticed the customer lying on the floor and he crawled over to her.

Gary: "Ma'am, are you ok?"

Customer: "Yes. I think so."

Gary: "Come on, I'll get you out of here."

Gary and the customer made a break for the door as Ann seriously beat the Old Navy Person. When he returned to the battle scene, Ann was punching in the Old Navy Person's face. It was clearly dead, but she just kept punching. Gary pulled her off him and threw her her robe.

Ann: "NO ONE WILL HURT DAVID! EVER!"

Gary: "Ok, that's all fine and dandy, but we really have to get back to the meeting before Martha Stewart gets suspicious." [he pulled on his robe] "Put yours on."

Ann put her robe back on. They put the hoods on over their faces and walked back to the meeting which was still taking place. Martha Stewart and their leader kept talking, but as the conversation continued, Martha's eyes drifted towards Ann's hands, which were covered in blood. She knew they had killed one of her minions. If they wanted to play a chess game, she could play one too.

* * * * *

Mike, Hannah and Mr. Bennett were stuck on top of a huge car shaped rock. They were looking down at the Carebears trying to get at them. They were to high up, luckily, so the Carebears couldn't reach them. But, they couldn't stay up on the rock until the Carebears became hungry and left. They had things to do and people to save.

Hannah: "So, what do we do?"

Mike: "Do you have a weapon of some sort?"

Hannah: "No, why?"

Mike: "I thought we could just keep firing until they got scared and left or until they were all dead."

Hannah: "You don't think we can beat them at hand-to-hand combat?"

Mike: "Nah, there's to many of them. They're like hungry wolves. We'd be goners in a second."

Hannah: "I don't know."

Mr. Bennett: [turned away from them] "I have an idea...."

Mike: "What is it?"

Mr. Bennett: "You could die!"

Mike looked at Hannah, and they both looked at Mr. Bennett suspiciously. He turned to them, fully changed. Now he was the Lucky Charms mascot! The devilish leprechaun from the popular cereal commercials had double crossed them!

Hannah: "I don't get it. I thought you were on side. How else would the tactical member known about you?"

Mr. Bennett: "All lies, my friends, all lies. Some people don't do any investigation and just take things as truth. You should really learn not to do that anymore, as should the tactical member." [he laughed evilly] "I'm gunna have to kill you now."

Mike: [laughing] "Sorry, but, I'm can you say that again?"

Hannah: "Why do you want him to repeat his death threat?"

Mike: "Because it's so cute." [he walked to Mr. Bennett and put his hands on his head] "Aw! Look! The cute little leprechaun is trying to be all mean. Let's give him a cookie and take him home with us! Please, Hannah, can we? Can we? Please?!"

Mr. Bennett: "Enough with the chitchat! Time to die!"

Mr. Bennett jumped in the air, levitating. He leaned forward and flew at Hannah and Mike. They easily stepped out of the way and Mr. Bennett fell into the herd of attacking Carebears. He was holding onto the rock for dear life, reaching up to Mike. Mike felt bad and was going to help him up, but Hannah stopped him.

Mike: "What?"

Hannah: "We don't help the evil people, remember."

Mr. Bennett went under and the Carebears pounced on him in a second. He screamed in agony as the Carebears ripped him to pieces, blood going all over the rock. Mike looked at Hannah and sighed.

Mike: "Ok, so, now what do we do?"

Hannah: "Uh..."

Marissa: "I can help you."

Marissa jumped up onto the rock, sweating slightly. She was holding money in her hand, which she preceded to count. 70 dollars. She folded the money and put it down her shirt. Mike noticed she had no bra on and her hair was messed up.

Mike: [to himself] "I'm not gunna ask..."

Hannah: "Marissa, how did you get here?"

Marissa: "I followed you."

Hannah: "How did you get here without being a meal for the Carebears?"

Marissa: "Well, the Carebears in this reality are male Carebears. So, you know, I just did what the winner of "Slut Idol" does best. I slept with them all."

Hannah: "And they didn't eat you?"

Marissa: "Nope. They were to busy having their way with me to attack. I made a lot of money too, so I just paid them to not attack me."

Mike: "Wish we thought of that." [clears his throat] "Marissa, do you think you can do us a favor?"

Marissa: "Sure."

Mike: "Can you maybe...'entertain' these Carebears for us while we make a run for it?"

Marissa: "Sure." [to the Carebears] "COME AND GET IT, BOYS!" [she jumped into the pit of attacking Carebears] "WEE!!"

Mike: "Run!"

Mike and Hannah hopped over the rock, just dodging the Carebears. Marissa was working her magic on them, so they didn't follow. Mike and Hannah ran, their heads turned back to Marissa when they bumped into something. They both stumbled back and fell on their butts. When they looked up, a very tall, very green giant was looking down at them. The Jolly Green Giant...and he was holding Stephanie's soul, which was clearly marked 'Stephanie's Soul'.

Mike: "...The Jolly Green Giant...just the man I was looking for."

Hannah: "Can we please have our friends soul back?"

The Jolly Green Giant: "Let me think...No. I like Stephanie's soul. She's quite the fire cracker." [holding the soul in his hand] "How about you see her?"

Stephanie's soul shined brightly, causing Mike and Hannah to cover their eyes to shield them from the blinding light. When they took their hands down, Stephanie's ghost was standing in front of them.

Stephanie: "Hey, guys."

Mike: "Steph, thank God. We have to get you out of here!"

Stephanie: "Yeah, I really wanna leave. It's really cramped in that cool glowy thing." [she sighed] "This guy is a real ass, though." [she sighed again] "Plus, he works for the big bad so that also takes away some brownie points."

Hannah: "Can you please let her come back with us?"

Jolly Green Giant: "Do you have her body?"

Hannah: "Well, yes, back at the lab I think."

Jolly Green Giant: "Is it in good condition?"

Hannah: "What do you mean?"

Jolly Green Giant: "If I was to give you her soul back, would she die once she reentered her body? Is her body livable?"

Mike: "Actually all her limbs are blown off..."

Stephanie: "Ew. Damn Snuggles! I don't want to be a stump."

Jolly Green Giant: "I'm sorry, I'm under strict orders to not give you this soul, regardless. Please, just, go home and stop wasting my time."

The Jolly Green Giant squeezed the glowing orb in his hand. Soon it cracked into pieces and he dropped it to the ground. Stephanie disappeared as the orb stopped glowing and faded away as well. Stephanie was gone forever. The Jolly Green Giant turned on his heels and tried to move, but Mike grabbed his arm.

Jolly Green Giant: "What's going on here?!"

Hannah: "Pay back."

Hannah pulled the tazer out of her bra and slammed it into the Jolly Green Giants neck. She increased the amount of electricity until it was on the highest voltage possible. The Jolly Green Giant began to shake and a few moments later, he exploded, covering everyone in peas.

Mike: "Let's go...there's nothing else we can do here."

Mike and Hannah slowly turned and walked back the way they came, hanging their heads in sadness. Marissa joined them, breathing heavily. They took one look back at where Stephanie had just been standing, and started for home.

* * * * *

Darren, Magui and David walked down the halls of the Middle School until they saw the sign pointing to the cafeteria. Darren smiled to himself and pushed the door open. He looked around and spotted the food pantry at the back of the room. Magui and David sat at a table and waited for Darren to return with some food. Darren entered the food pantry and looked through it. It was full of candy and potato chips, but no cheese. The cheese would obviously be in the refrigerator somewhere in the kitchen. Darren was looking for it when he heard a noise coming from the cafeteria.

Magui: "SON OF A *****!"

Darren ran out of the kitchen and entered the cafeteria. Magui was fighting the Old Navy Person, and failing. She threw a punch at his face, but he caught her hand and tossed her all the way across the room. Darren ran and jumped at the Old Navy Person. He caught Darren and tossed him across the room as well...and than started closing in on David.

[ana8]

Great..love it..especially Ann's character-good idea with using nails as a weapon.Please continue quickly

[MentPatient]

THIS STORY IS SO DAMN FUNNY!

Why does Hannah like keeping her taser in her bra? Why not her pocket?
Jamie: "Mike...I am your father!"

Mike: (eyes widening) "...Really...?"

Jamie: (laughs) "No! Of course not! Do I look like a guy to you?"

Mike: "Actually, ye--"
That's mean... but HAHAHA!
David: "Why do you wanna kill me?"

Snuggles: "Because all the girls in the world want to hug you! But what about me?! I'm soft and cuddly...and I make things smell nice, God damnit!"
Awww, too bad Snuggles.
(Mike put a paper bag over David's head, and Magui snapped out of the hypnosis type state. Magui looked around.)

Magui: "Where'd David go?"
ROFLMAO!
Lee: "While you were unconscious. Emma rehired Michael Jackson and he was in charge of changing you. We left him alone with you while you were unconscious. We should trust people a little more."

Mike: "What!?"

Lee: "Just kidding...Michael Jackson is working daycare today."
AHHH! MICHEAL JACKSON! Hehe, DayCare...
At the end of the song, Justin pulled off Janet's shirt, revealing one of her breasts.
Nice SuperBowl reference.

[Hero]

Thanks for the comments, LoL. There's only one chapter less :( I'll post it sometime this week.

[Magui]

It was awesome!!!:D...only one?::crying::....nooooooo::crying::

[Tru_Davies]

mike ots so sad that its gona finish soon im gona be so empty when it leaves...

[Hero]

Taken From "The Journal of Shadows" (www.greatestjournal.com/users/potentialhero)

"A Capture for Hero fans, but Will the Rescue Follow?"
As the comical classic, The Capture and Rescue of David Boreanaz, nears its final our, the kind and supportive fans of the writer and fanfiction are left to wonder if their favorite comedy will be back for another story. Over 400 people have viewed the story and 10 or more consistent people have read and responded, making the story a huge hit in the world of fiction. The Capture and Rescue of David Boreanaz is a tale of three teenagers who struggle against evil mascots to save the life of David Boreanaz. The final chapter of this story will be released to the public on Tuesday night, thus bringing an end to the characters and adventures it has told. But, will the story be over? Is there a chance that it may return for a sequel? We got up close and personal with Michael George, the writer, to hear what he had to say. "I think it's 50/50 at this point. I really enjoyed writing the first one, but I put all my good material into the story. I'm fresh out of idea's and I can't think of anything new or funny right now. If I do make a sequel, it will take a while before I can put something out there," Michael reports. The fate of this fanfiction rests in the imaginative brain of the writer. We will see how it goes.

[Hero]

Sorry, guys, I have to go out tonight and I can't finish the full chapter, but here's a good chunk of it. All that's last is the very ending, kinda like the last 20 minutes of Chosen. Enjoy. I'll post the end of the chapter tomorrow...

Filled with the need to live, David took to his feet and ran, leaving the two fallen Potential Agents behind. Stephanie had died for him, the least he could do was try to prolong his death, for her. Pushing past the double doors, David bolted down the hallway, trying to put distance between him and the Old Navy Person.

Darren was lying next to Magui, mangled on the floor. He sat up on his elbows and looked at Magui. She was out cold. They had been thrown the same distance and hit the same fall. Why wasn't he knocked out too? He pushed the questions out of his head and pushed himself to his feet. He ran out the double doors, gaining on David and the Old Navy Person.

David stopped, turning around. He couldn't run forever and the chances were against him that the Old Navy Person would catch up with him. He was to tired to continue even continue a jog. He wanted to down being brave. He wanted to go down like his character, Angel. He wanted to go down fighting. So he stood his ground, watching in honor as the Old Navy Person sprang into action.

The Old Navy Person jumped in the air, almost sailing at him with alarming speed. His leg was outstretched as he flew towards David. David's instincts kicked in, although somewhat slow, and he ducked out of the way of the first attack. He punched the Old Navy Person in the face and attempted a strong kick. However; the Old Navy Person was strong, trained better than David, and he caught his kick. Holding him in place, the Old Navy Person lifted David off the ground by his neck, slowly choking the life out of him.

David desperately tried to free himself from the grasp of the commercial being. He kicked, punched, pushed and pulled, but it was no use. He felt his life slipping away. Suddenly, a fighting yell rang down the hallway, startling the Old Navy Person and David. Their heads both turned to see Darren standing at the end of the hallway, hands balled into fists.

The Old Navy Person sniffed the air, his nostrils flaring. There was something different about the boy he had just disabled. He was stronger. Stealthier. Cooler. And there was an odd sense of comical weirdness inside him. He smelled like...an Agent.

The Old Navy Person dropped David to the ground, not interested in him for the moment. He charged at Darren. Martha Stewart would reward him greatly for killing an Agent. Darren's muscles flexed as he pulled his arm back and delivered a jaw breaking right hook to the attackers face. The Old Navy Person fell back, slightly howling in pain. The first punch a new Agent throws is always powerful because it's the first time the strength is really used.

Darren threw another punch, followed by a blunt kick to the chest. It seemed almost easy to him that he had the upper hand so quick in the fight. It was like the Old Navy Person wasn't even fighting back. The Old Navy Person had learned Darren's fighting style in the few seconds they had been fighting. He was an arms man; he'd never use his legs unless he absolutely needed too. Each Agent fought in a different way. Mike was deadly with his feet. Stephanie was deadly with her hands. Hannah was deadly with both her hands and feet as well. Darren represented arm strength. He was the remaining piece that fit into the Agent triangle now that Stephanie was gone.

The Old Navy Person caught his next attack, catching his wrist in between his hand. Darren threw another punch, to which the Old Navy Person caught that hand. He smiled evilly at Darren, who was struggling to be released. The Old Navy Person pulled Darren into the air by his hands. He saw Magui coming down the hallway and decided to play horse shoe. He tossed Darren down the hallway, causing him to knock into Magui, knocking them both down.

They both started scampering back into a corner. Although a small blow, it had shattered their concentration and fear had taken its place in their brains. The Old Navy Person closed in on them, growling in glory as he prepared for the final shot to end their lives when suddenly he jumped. Something had hit him. He fell to the floor, a spork sticking out of his back. He was still alive, but greatly injured by the penetrating wound.

Mike, Hannah and Marissa were now visible. Magui and Darren hadn't noticed them since the Old Navy Person had blocked their view. Mike walked to the Old Navy Person and kneeled next to him, placing his hand on the spork.

Mike: "When you go to Hell, tell Martha Stewart this is for Stephanie."

He pushed the spork all the way through the Old Navy Person's body. A few seconds later, his body burst into cloth and disappeared into nothingness. Mike stood to his feet, looking at Magui and Darren.

Mike: "You guys ok?"

Darren/Magui: "Yup."

Hannah: [helping David up] "How about you, David. You injured?"

David: "No, I think I'm fine.

Mike: "Good. Let's move. We have some interesting news that Emma and the rest of HQ needs to know."

* * * * *

Darren sat on the metal table in Lee's medical room. His shirt was off and EKG's were plastered all over his body. He swung his feet childishly over the side of the table as he waited for Lee to return to the room. Mike stepped into the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest in a friendly gesture.

Mike: "You definitely must be an Agent."

Darren: "What makes you say that?"

Mike: "Because Agents are the only people who maintain a childish mentality when going to the doctors."

Darren: "...What?"

Mike: "The swaying of the feet thing. We all do that."

Darren: "Oh." [he pauses] "You think I'm an Agent?"

Mike: "In my opinion, yes. You're the only person who's fought an Old Navy Person and lived...besides Hannah and I. David was almost killed, and he's older and should be stronger than you. But, you're here without a scratch. It seems out of the ordinary to me."

Darren: "We'll see, I guess."

Mike: "Yeah." [turning to leave] "I'll see you around."

Darren: "I'm sorry."

Mike: [turning around] "What?"

Darren: "I'm sorry."

Mike: "...for what?"

Darren: "Replacing Stephanie." [he paused] "I know that she was your best friend and you and Hannah were very close to her. I'm sorry that I have to replace her, take her place as an Agent. It makes her really gone. Me maybe being an Agent makes she's gone and she's not coming back."

Lee walked into the room, carrying his clip board in his hands. He noticed the tense look on their faces and smiled sheepishly as he walked inside.

Lee: "So, Darren are you ready to start the tests?"

Darren: "You're not going to try to disect me are you. I've seen the CIA do that kinda stuff to people. If I go back home a girl with 12 fingers, I'll be pissed."

Lee: "We're not the CIA." [he took out a needle] "The CIA is filled with stuffy old British people that used to run the Watchers Council in England. They don't get anything done except have tea and come close to getting shagged. I'm gunna give you this shot. It's gunna inject a potion into your body that will make your muscles tense. It's going to be very painful, but the results will tell us if you're an Agent or not."

Mike: "Wait. Wait. Wait. Can't you do something else?"

Lee: "There's the other that we use to test women, but that's because it's less painful, but it takes longer."

Mike: "Then use that one on him."

Lee: "Why?"

Mike: "Because, I'm tired of seeing people in pain all the time! I'm sick of it! Stephanie's dead and all people do is give me orders and send me after this person and want this and want that and I need a break! I NEED A BREAK!"

Mike turned to leave, but bumped into a wall, slipped in some water and fell on the ground. He tried to get to his feet, but his shoes slipped in the water and he fell again. His emotional running away scene was ruined. Mike managed to get to his feet after six or seven tried and ran out of the room, flailing his arms behind him.

Darren: "Don't mind him."

Lee: "Yeah, I know." [prepares the needle] "I can understand his position though. I think he deserves a break too, especially now that a close friend died. I'll probably bring it up to Emma at the next staff meeting. Ok." [he sighed nervously] "Take a deep breath."

Lee pushed the top of the needle, injecting Darren with the muscle strengthening potion. Almost immediately, indescribable pain was visible in Darren's face and tears began to form in his eyes. He was brave though, and didn't scream or cry. Lee pulled the needle out of his arm and put his hand on Darren's shoulder.

Lee: "You did good, buddy."