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Anita Blake
01-05-2003, 04:49 AM
Laughter
By: Angel’sLuv

Disclaimer: Don’t own them. If I did, we wouldn’t have the major suckiness of B/S and A/C for the past 2 seasons.

Spoilers: Everything from season 1 of BTVS to 5/2 of BTVS and ATS. Starts after “The Gift” and becomes A/U. Cordy already acknowledges her feelings for Angel but knows he loves Buffy. Willow knows there is no way to bring back Buffy. Set 3 weeks after Willow went to LA to tell Angel of Buffy’s death.

Distribution: All you have to do is ask.

Feedback: This is my first fic. I would appreciate any comments whatsoever!

Dedication: To Kris, for always being a rock and for being the bestest online friend a girl could ask for. This ones for you! *G*

Rating: PG-15; Dark and angsty, deals with character death and suicide. If either of these offends you, turn back now. You have been warned.

AN: I got this idea in my head and decided that it was time to contribute to the world of fan-fic. This story is told from Wesley’s pov and you should be able to figure it out from there.

Pairing: I am a die-hard B/A ‘shipper. Until death do they part. *G* also C/W because I think they were so cute together.

Enjoy.
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Suddenly she is laughing. A bitter laugh, but a laugh nevertheless.

She is laughing for the vampire that can’t hear her. For the ones we lost on the way. And for death, nothing more and nothing less.

She is laughing for her love, the one that isn’t here anymore. She loved with no loving back, a love just as empty as her laugh.

She is laughing with a hoarse voice, hoarse from all the crying and no speaking. A laugh without emotion, empty, no love and no hate. No happiness and no sadness.

She is laughing for nothing and for everything. The love she never got to feel, the tears she had to cry. And for the broken heart that only a dead vampire can heal. A vampire with a soul that cried out for its other half every day of its existence without completeness. A vampire that died when his true love, his purpose, died. His true love not being her.

She is laughing for all the fools in this room that don’t, and probably never will, understand what it is she is laughing about. But I do. I understand. Buffy died saving the world one last time, so Angel took his unlife. Sat right on her grave until the sun came up and turned his body to ashes. The first sunrise he had seen in over two centuries was also his last. By ending his unlife, he ended hers. Ended her life and pain. Ended her eternal punishment: to love him.

She is laughing and it’s the first time in three weeks that any of us have heard her voice. Fred smiles and Gunn just looks oddly at her, wondering how she can laugh in a time like this. But they don’t understand. They never met Buffy, never saw her and her dark Angel together. They don’t understand that this is her good bye, her thank you to Angel. She is laughing because she is relieved. Relieved that she has been released from the tight grip of love. But she and I both know that loves grip is stronger than that. And one of the reasons that she is laughing is because she wants us to remember her voice like that, laughing and bitter.

She is laughing and I smile bitterly. I smile bitterly because, for what I think must be the first time, we completely agree with something.

She is laughing hysterically now and there are tears in her eyes. I know that she won’t be here tomorrow or any other day because she can’t stand a life without him. Soon her soul will be free and will go somewhere where she thinks she can find peace. I know she won’t though. Her soul will follow Buffy’s and Angel’s and she still won’t be with him. Not even in death.

She is laughing and I walk over to her and kiss her on the cheek and murmur “Good bye.” She probably can’t hear me and that’s a good thing because I don’t want her to know.

She is laughing as I walk upstairs. Her laughter follows me through the dark hallways as I wander. I walk down a hall and think about this hotel. A hotel that will soon be filled with ghosts. “I love you, Cordelia,” I say quietly, not wanting to disturb the false tranquility of silence that surrounds me. Down in the Lobby, I know that she is still laughing.

Suddenly I laugh. A bitter laugh, but a laugh nevertheless.

Diminished_9th
01-05-2003, 12:10 PM
Wow, that's chilling! *shivers* But very good!

Anita Blake
01-05-2003, 04:21 PM
Wow, thanks! My first feedback! Your the best! I think next time I'm gonna go the other path and make a funny fic. That was all of the despair I could muster for a very long time, LOL.

FiveByFiveB
01-05-2003, 05:50 PM
First off, thanks for the dedication. You didn't have to do that, but you put a huge smile on my face. Thank you. And I'm not just saying this because we are good friends, but wow. That was amazing. I mean, that was completely unique, and I loved how you put it in Wesley's perspective. The 'She is laughing' repetition goes so well with your idea. I didn't really get who was laughing at first, but then I started to figure it out. I think you meant to make it uncertain, though, so well done! Seriously, I almost cried. Why go with funny? To me, depressing is always the way to go.

Anita Blake
01-05-2003, 06:17 PM
Your welcome! You totally deserved to have it dedicated to you! Well, goodie! Positive feedback is definitely the best. Thank you. I wanted it to be something that isn't like the rest of the B/A fic out there and I wanted to try something that was completely different and was totally me. This is what I got! Yeah, I thought the 'She is laughing' part was a good idea too. I had used it to start the first few paragraphs without knowing it and then I just decided to go with it. Yeah, I wanted it to be one of those things that isn't really clear and could be applied to more than one person at first and then when you get toward the end and you find out who it is taling about, you got a shock and a chill. Or something like that, hehe. I almost cried writing it. ;) It is depressing and I think that i write sad stuff better than happy but the reason I wanted to try funny was that I haven't tried it yet, so I don't know if I can write funny. Hmmm, but I will probably stay in the depressing mode for awhile first. It seems to work better and even when I think of a funny idea it always ends in drama or character death or angst.

Anyways, thanks again! Love ya! :D

Anita Blake
11-11-2003, 10:12 AM
I am getting bored and lonely so I thought that I would move this fic up to the beginning to see if anyone was interested in reading it that hadn't already read it. I am desperate for feedback! HELP!!!! :D