dromeda
07-15-2008, 11:17 PM
I've been addicted to Buffy for a long time, I just wasn't aware of it. I first got into the Buffyverse some years back when FX was airing episodes 4 times a day. I had radically cut down my TV viewing at the time, and yet somehow the TV was always on when Buffy was, I found myself glued to the screen when Buffy was on, sitting directly in front (no remote, and I was only watching for a second, so why move to a chair), my thumb hovering over the off switch, and yet never pressing down. I would be crouched in front of the TV the whole 2 hours. I berated myself for lack of a spine. How weak to be a slave to TV! After being engrossed I would try to shake it off, and promise myself I wouldn't watch the next day. TV bad! I didn't comprehend what was happening.
While buying LOTR dvds off some random guy, he mentioned he had 2 Buffy seasons as well, he'd throw them in cheap. What the hell, I thought. I didn't even own a DVD player, so the seasons just sat in my closet. Yet I could sometimes hear them, scrambling about in there, clicking their teeth and burrowing into my psyche. I moved to a new house, where my roomie had a DVD player. I somehow demolished the seasons I owned within a week. I felt shame. Bad me, bad TV, be good, escape the corporations, my inner self cried and critiqued. I ignored my pleas and inner criticism, like an addict I found myself systematically searching local video stores in hopes of renting the other seasons, trolling, hunting, patrolling with no luck.
I promised myself it was over, I was done. Then I found a website that allowed me to watch Buffy online. I threw up my hands in disgust. I convinced myself that once I watched the seasons through my strange Buffy-itch would be scratched. I was ashamed. I kept it a secret. I only told my then-boyfriend. I must have been really enthusiastic about my viewership, because he bought me all the seasons for my bday. I had recently moved to another house, and was unemployed, I should have been looking for work, but I became a couch potato until I had run through all seven. I've been rerunning them ever since, slowly becoming ok with the guilt.
Last year, I attended ComicCon, and discovered the comics. I got a cheap small free Buffy poster and spotted another fan striding by dressed as Spike. I was so excited. And startled. And giggly. I remember thinking, oh, this what Trekkies feel like. A month ago I discovered fan fiction, Peasant's Plot, Three Deep, and now the wonderful community on Buffy Boards. I'm a little slow on the uptake, forgive me, but now I realize I'm not addicted to TV, I'm addicted to Buffy. I didn't give in to corporate america, I gave in to Joss, to feminism, to quips and angst, and my creative fellow-fans. I have nothing to feel guilty about. This is my confession to sympathetic souls. Finally, I get it. I love the Buffyverse. And I couldn't be happier.
While buying LOTR dvds off some random guy, he mentioned he had 2 Buffy seasons as well, he'd throw them in cheap. What the hell, I thought. I didn't even own a DVD player, so the seasons just sat in my closet. Yet I could sometimes hear them, scrambling about in there, clicking their teeth and burrowing into my psyche. I moved to a new house, where my roomie had a DVD player. I somehow demolished the seasons I owned within a week. I felt shame. Bad me, bad TV, be good, escape the corporations, my inner self cried and critiqued. I ignored my pleas and inner criticism, like an addict I found myself systematically searching local video stores in hopes of renting the other seasons, trolling, hunting, patrolling with no luck.
I promised myself it was over, I was done. Then I found a website that allowed me to watch Buffy online. I threw up my hands in disgust. I convinced myself that once I watched the seasons through my strange Buffy-itch would be scratched. I was ashamed. I kept it a secret. I only told my then-boyfriend. I must have been really enthusiastic about my viewership, because he bought me all the seasons for my bday. I had recently moved to another house, and was unemployed, I should have been looking for work, but I became a couch potato until I had run through all seven. I've been rerunning them ever since, slowly becoming ok with the guilt.
Last year, I attended ComicCon, and discovered the comics. I got a cheap small free Buffy poster and spotted another fan striding by dressed as Spike. I was so excited. And startled. And giggly. I remember thinking, oh, this what Trekkies feel like. A month ago I discovered fan fiction, Peasant's Plot, Three Deep, and now the wonderful community on Buffy Boards. I'm a little slow on the uptake, forgive me, but now I realize I'm not addicted to TV, I'm addicted to Buffy. I didn't give in to corporate america, I gave in to Joss, to feminism, to quips and angst, and my creative fellow-fans. I have nothing to feel guilty about. This is my confession to sympathetic souls. Finally, I get it. I love the Buffyverse. And I couldn't be happier.