Vampire Dog

[nerd4hire]

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y144/JimJohn/vampdog3.gif


PROLOGUE
(From Checkpoint)

INT. SPIKE'S CRYPT DUSK

BUFFY: (to Joyce) Keep Dawn here as long as you can. I'll be back soon.
JOYCE: Okay.
BUFFY: (walks over to Spike) I don't think I need to remind you, but-
SPIKE: Yeah, yeah, "anything happens to 'em I'll stake you good and proper." Sing me a new one sometime, eh? That bit's gone stale.

Buffy leaves. Spike, Dawn, and Joyce stand around looking uncomfortable.

JOYCE: I, I love what you've, um, neglected to do with the place.
SPIKE: Just don't break anything. (goes to turn on the TV) And don't make a lot of noise. Passions is coming on.
JOYCE: (comes forward) Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
SPIKE: Oh! (gestures to his armchair. He and Joyce each sit on one arm) No, no, she can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for god's sake.
JOYCE: Uh, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

Dawn makes an exasperated face, walks off.


VAMPIRE DOG


The television show ended.

The Vampire and the mother of the Vampire Slayer turned, and looked towards each other, exchanging a look that can only be understood by true fans of television drama. The moment soon spoiled however, by the sounds of Dawn's clomping feet.

"Good" said Dawn, "It's over. Can we change the channel".

She held out her hand to the youthful white-haired vampire.

"What?" asked spike

'The remote. You have a remote right?"

'Remote...whado I need that for? Only got one channel".

"What?" asked the puzzled teenager, the thought of a television with only one channel being inconceivable to the American, teenaged mind.

"What, yourself" continued the vampire, "you think I've got cable out here. I was lucky to nick lectricity".

"Fine" said Dawn, the single light of the television's flickering in the now-darkening crypt, chiaroscuro playing on her face, "turn it off then. We don't need any more crap."

"If there's no TV, there's no light" explained Spike

"You have a lamp"

"True...gotta lamp, but apparently they need something called bulbs, which I can't find any of, at the dum... I mean my personal convenience store".

"Well that's just great. What do we do then? Just sit in the dark, and tell ghost stories?"

As if in answer a sound filled the dimly lit crypt. It was the sound of a howling dog. Dawn's hand lept to her mother's shoulder. Joyce grasped it. Their mouths opened, and their jaws dropped.

"What's that?" blurted Dawn, her voice grating like an unoiled door hinge.

Spike laughed meanly, "Oh that... you mean the coyotes? Yeah they come out here every now and again for a bit of a howl", then under his breath, "when the Slayer's not nosin about, botherin everybody".

The howling stopped. For a short while only the television was heard. It sang a little promo ditty, extolling the advantages of chunky peanut butter over smooth. Finally Dawn's voice broke the relative quiet.

"Spike?"

"Huh..."

"How come there's no vampire dogs?"

2 B Con't

[Shell]

wow,cool :D

[rene]

lol yeah it was cool and funny

[Allycat]

W-e-i-r-d!

[nerd4hire]

RECAP

In Checkpoint Buffy leaves Dawn and Joyce with Spike, under his protection, at the vampire's crypt .

This story follows Dawn and Joyce in the following hours. Spike and Joyce have finished watching their television program, and must now deal with the boredom and petulance of Dawn. She's looking for trouble, and Spike just might give it to her

VAMPIRE DOG
PART II

Finally Dawn's voice broke the relative quiet.

"Spike?"

"Huh..."

"How come there's no vampire dogs?"

"What?"

"Dogs, vampires. How come the two don't go together?".

"Who says they don't".

"You never hear about them"

"That's cause dogs are stupid. Wake up in the daytime, burn up is all."

"So there are no vampire dogs then?"

"Well...heard about one once...Griswold."

"Griswold?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?"

"Griswold the vampire dog?"

"So what would you name him?"

"I don't know. Snoopy, Charlie, fluffy-- anything but Griswold".

"Fluffy!?, and that's a good name for a vampire dog, is it?"

"Better than Griswold."

"Hey, I didn't name it, OK. Never even saw the bloody thing. Just heard the story is all."

"What story? Tell us about it, if it's so great."

"What the Hell do you care. You writing a report for school or somethin. 'Little Known Facts about bleedin Vampires"

"Maybe I am" said Dawn, sticking out her chin as if in challenge.

Spike and Dawn's eyes locked in a battle for control. The vampire, no match for the critical, impatient stare of a teenage girl, looked away. He walked over to the television set, turned down the volume, then looked back ominously towards the two humans, Joyce sitting on the arm of the chair, Dawn standing behind her, both still clasping hands on Joyce's shoulder.

"So you want to hear about Griswold the Vampire Dog, do you?" said Spike.

The voice echoed on stone. The flickering TV made shadow-plays on the walls. Then...

"Yeah" answered Dawn, with false bravado, "tell us about Griz."

"Well" continued Spike, "I heard this story in a demon-bar from a Swedish vampire named Sven"

"Sven?" asked Dawn, smiling now.

"Yes, Sven. I told you he was a Swede. What the bleedin Hell do you think his name would be?"

Dawn looked down at her mother, still smiling.

"Sven." said Dawn.

"Sven the vampire," answered Joyce, and the two broke into uncomfortable giggles.

Spike looked back at Joyce like his feelings were hurt. "Fine" he said, "if you didn't want to hear about this...if it's too much for you..."

Joyce fought back the mirth from her face, and replied, "No...really...I'm sorry. It's just all very strange, you know? I should hear about this sort of thing... from someone who knows-- from an expert, like yourself. There's so much I don't know about the vampire experience. Please. Continue".

"All right. For you then. But not for the niblet. She's whatchacallit...disrespectful, is what she is"

"Yes" answered Joyce, hiding her mouth behind her hand, "I've been meaning to talk to her about that. So you were saying... about the dog, and the demon bar, and such..."

"Yeah, well anyway, I was in this demon bar in the old country, talking to my mate" Spike turned and stabbed a glance towards Dawn " Sven the Vampire . He starts to tell me about this dog up in the far north, in the land of perpetual night-time."

"It's daylight", said Dawn.

"What?"

"The north is the land of perpetual daylight. It's daytime all summer up there."

"Yeah and in the winter it's night-time. Do you mind? I'm trying to explain something to your mom"

Joyce gave Dawn a stern stare. Dawn released her mother's hand thumped over to the other arm of the chair and sat down.

"Go ahead then", said Dawn "tell your unscientific story".

2 B Con't

[nerd4hire]

VAMPIRE DOG
Part III

"Go ahead then", said Dawn "tell your unscientific story".

"So..." continued Spike "Sven tells me about this dog...Was one of those sleigh dogs. One of those Husky dogs."

"But", started Dawn.

Instantly Joyce raised her finger in front of her daughter's face, commanding, "bt, bt, bt", (mother talk for shut up)

Dawn slumped awkwardly back towards the back of the chair, with her arms folded, and her mouth shut.

Spike continued.

"So Griswold... the dog, wakes up, and it's still night-time, so he doesn't burn up you see. He digs his way up from the shallow grave was dug for him, and commences to look for a snack. So he's walkin about findin nothin, and finally he comes upon this farm. He looks about at the menu, tryin to decide what looks tasty, and what he chooses is this fine fat sow. He hops over for a little nibble, but right in the middle of his meal, the farmer bursts in the barn, and shoots Griswold, Bam! right in the chest. Well this pisses Griswold off..."

"Uh hem" interrupted Joyce, and nodded toward Dawn.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that" said Spike and continued, " so the dog's upset see, and he jumps back to life, jumps on the farmer, and rips his throat out...:

Joyce sighed an exasperated sigh, slumped her head into her hand, but realizing there would be no containing the vampire's enthusiam for his storytelling raised her hand from her head, and gave Spike a "continue with your story" signal.

Quite pleased with the response, Spike continued, "So things are lookin up for old Griswold, he's got hisself a pig n farmer smorgy he has. But just then he looks up n he sees the farmers fat wife. She's terrified, of course, and she turns, n waddles off in what to her most likely seemed to be runnin. Griswold let's her go though, cause, really you can only eat so much your first night out you know? Griswold has hisself a fine meal n falls off to sleep. So the next morning the farmer's wife bundles up the kiddies, and escapes to town with them while Griswold sleeps it off in the barn. She tells her story to the villager's, and they form your basic vampire hunting mob, which I can tell you from experience can be a real pain in the a... uh, behind.

So the mob goes out to the farm, and bursts into the barn where Griswold is havin a satisfyin, after-dinner snooze. They wake him up; stabbin him, an hittin him with sticks n such.

The dog wakes up not knowin what in Hell is goin on, n he runs for the door, runs outside, starts to burn up, and runs right back into the barn where the villagers are waitin for him. Well what a fight there was in that barn. Wish I'd been there to see that, but finally the villagers see it's somethin more than normal dog, or wolf they're dealing with. They run outside to regroup, waiting there, guarding the exits.

Night finally comes, and Griswold escapes, but not without his war wounds you understand. He's a smart one. Griswold is, and he figures out right away, people are good eatin, but it's best to keep movin after you indulge, cause those mobs can ruin the whole dining experience.

So Griz stays on the move, a farmer here, a wary traveler there, but never staying in one place long, always on the move, always alone, which let me tell you can be a lonely life if somethin should happen like you should lose whatcha call your significant other, cause the silly bint went off by herself hallucinatin in the last village, or some such thing. An..."

"Excuse me" interupted Joyce, "At this point our sympathies are supposed to be with the human butchering, vampire dog, is that correct?"

"Well yeah", anwered Spike, "he was just following his nature wasn't he? Call of the wild you know? Doin what he was called upon by nature to do, don't you see?"

"Once more, I am sorry. Please continue."

"So word starts to get out about this Devil dog, that slaughters travelers, and can't be killed. Bounties are posted. Hunting parties are formed. Let me tell you. Nothing can put the old kibosh on a vampire dog 's night-time errands, or vampire's in general for that matter, like a damned, stupid, legend following you about, sayin as to what you are,and what you might be up to.

The legend of the Vampire Dog spreads, and follows poor ol Griswold, pushin him towards the sea. Finally there's nothin else for it. He's got to hide. So he jumps on a cargo freighter in some French seaport somewhere, hides down in the hold and lays low.

Well after a couple days n nights in the hold, ol Griswold's tummy starts to grumblin n growling, and he figures he'll step up onto the poopdeck to check out the soup du jour. He snaps himself up a chubby little yeoman, n heads back down to his stateroom with the yeoman b'tween is teeth.

It was a fine meal, but come the morning the crew can't help noticin young Sparky is not at breakfast. They look for him, find nothing, but decide "Oh well, guess he fell overboard, or some such thing, as is prone to happen to silly little gits such as him."

And that would have been the end of that, cept a couple of nights later Griswold's stomach starts to grumblin again, and the next morning there's two crew members missing."

Dawn knelt forward on her chair. Joyce stood erect on hers, looking over at her daughter, wondering if she should do something to censor this mad story, then looked back at the gleeful vampire telling the tale, and knew in her heart, there was just no way at this point, this guy was going to shut up (or for that matter, that Dawn would let him). Joyce relaxed, and yielded to the experience.

2 B con't

[Mr. Pointy]

Liking this one lots N4H

[nerd4hire]

VAMPIRE DOG
Part IV


Joyce relaxed, and yielded to the experience.

"The Captain orders a stem to stern search," continued the Vampire, "and this turns out to be the stupidest thing he ever did, because down in the hold they find Griswold. He's layin there in the hold, peaceful as you please, with the two sailors chomped into pieces, n lapped dry of blood.

Well much later the harbour master at the New York harbour is lookin out to the horizon in his periscope, n he sees a ship out there drifting into port. They watch it all day, and finally as evening is approaching they decide to go out and investigate.

It's night, and dark by the time they arrive. They moor up alongside the ship adrift, and climb aboard her. Up on deck, well you can guess what they see. Blood n guts n severed heads n such. They all pulls their pistols n rifles, or grabs their sabers, and stands there wondering what to do next. They look up on the bow, and they see's these two devil red eyes gazing back at them out of the dark, glowing like burnin embers. They raises their guns. They cocks to fire, but just then this big, dumb, happy lookin dog comes saunterin out of the night with it's tongue hanging out, like he's happy do see them. He comes bounding up to the harbour master and licks his hand. He walks alongside the men, as they investigate the ghost ship.

They find nothing. It's a big mystery. Gets written up in papers all around the world; piracy on the high seas, an all that. And a couple of days later there's another story. The harbour master, and his entire family turns up slaughtered in their home. Only one survivor; the family dog. Yes the same dog the harbour master found on the ghost ship. The dog was last seen runnin off into the night. He was never heard of again, but ever since, there's stories surface in the new country, every now and again, of travelers slaughtered in the night, n only a dog survives."

Just then the quiet of the night in the crypt was violated by an eruption of noise. A coyote once more began to howl. Stone grated against gravel.. Dawn hopped in her chair and yelped. Joyce froze. Her eyes grew wide as dollar gold pieces.

The door scraped open, and there stood Buffy.

2 B con't

[DáNió]

great story. Please go on..

[killerdwarf]

Hey N4H, you got Spike down just right! Continue, please!

[nerd4hire]

VAMPIRE DOG
Conclusion

The door scraped open, and there stood Buffy. Her mother and sister sat frozen in fear on the arms of the vampire's chair.

"What's going on here?" Buffy snarled.

"What? I was just about to put on a spot of tea. You want some."

Spike walked towards the electric kettle. Buffy cut him off and barred his way, nose to chin.

"WHAT is going on here Spike."

"Well that's gratitude for you. I babysit the twins for you, keep em entertained with a fine, wholesome, family story about a dog, and here's you, like you walked in to find em swimmin in their own blood or somethin. Here...watch my lips. This is how you say it--THANK YOU".

Buffy turned to her mother.

"A family story?", she asked

Joyce nodded multiple times in rapid succession, stood up from the arm of the chair, reached for her coat on the back of the chair, and answered, "Yes. Yes. Let's go dear".

Buffy turned to Dawn still not convinced.

"A family story about a dog?" she asked.

"There was a dog" answered Dawn.

"Fine then...for now" said Buffy then turned to Spike, "but don't think I won't get to the bottom of this", then to her mother, "Let's go Mom".

It was too late. Joyce was already out the door. Buffy followed. Dawn was wrestling her mind back to reality looking about for her jacket. Spike grabbed it from the ledge where she left it, and held it for her to slip into. As Dawn's arm slipped into the jacket Spike leaned forward, and whispered into her ear, "Not to worry Pet. You'll always see it coming for you. The eyes glow red in the dark".

Dawn nodded without saying anything, pulled her jacket into place, and made her way out the doorway, and into the cemetary.

The California night air was fresh and dry. Dawn helped herself to a lungful. She rounded the corner to catch up with her mother and sister, took three running steps, stumbled to one knee, and looked about her as she rose. Suddenly she froze, then screamed. There up on a wooded hill she saw two red eyes gleaming in the dark.

Buffy ran up to her sister, and put her hand on Dawn's shoulder. Dawn pointed towards the shrubs on the hill.

Two red eyes continued to look down at them.

"Oh my God", said Joyce, now standing by her two daughter's side.

Spike stood by his open doorway, and shouted, "Hey keep it down out there. I don't come to your house, shoutin n screamin, and carryin on."

"Come here Spike", answered Buffy.

Spike walked up alongside where the slayer stood, now in fighting stance, stake at the ready, arched towards the menace on the hill.

"What's that?" she said, nodding with her head at the red eyes in the dark.

"Oh that", answered Spike, "That's nothin...just my mate, Clem...come down for a visit, I imagine."

"Tell him to come down now, and explain himself," said Buffy.

"Nah, he won't do it," answered Spike, "He's watchacallit...slayerphobic."

"He's harmless then?" asked Dawn.

"Well yeah" said Spike. "Unless you happen to be a baby cat".

"He eats kittens" asked Joyce, not quite believing it.

"Only when he can get em", answered Spike.

Buffy sighed and slipped her stake back into her pocket.

"I've had it with this Frightnight at Hacienda Spike crap" said Buffy, " Come on let's go you two. Spike, you want to tell your friends not to lurk around scaring people or...'

"Or what?"

"Or I do, what I do".

"Oooooh" replied Spike shaking his hands in front of him in mock horror.

The three Summers women walked away, making their way out of the cemetary, Dawn ran up alongside her older sister and began to chatter nervously away.

"Hey Buffy, can you imagine if there were like vampire penquins. I mean can you imagine, you're like walking home alone at night and the vampire penguins come waddling out of the alley to get you? And, could you even slay one? Cause you know, Penguins--cute and cuddly. And hey you know that movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where the rabbit jumps on that knight-guys throat. The next time Xander and Anya come over to watch video's I'm going to get him to rent that one, and bring it over. I mean can you imagine the look on Anya's face? She'll have nightmares. I know she'll have nightmares. An..."

The girl's yammering trailed off, as the three figures disappeared into the night.

Finally all was once more quiet in the cemetary grounds. Spike made a come hither motion towards the shrubs on the hill.

There was crashing and twigs snapping, followed by the image of the large, smiling, dog-faced demon Clem making his way out into the moonlight. He carried a six-pack of beer, with two missing.

"Hi" said Clem.

"What you doin lurkin about?", asked Spike.

"I've been out here for hours, waiting for them to leave." said Clem "I finally went up to the hill, and had a couple frosty ones".

"Yeah I know."

"How'd you know? Did you hear me?"

"Smellt you."

Clem nodded as if to say, "Yeah I understand how that could happen", then said out loud, "Yeah? Did you hear my wolf howl? Did you like it?"

"It was priceless Mate", chuckled the Vampire, "Absolutely priceless"

The two creatures of the night went into Spike's crypt, and shut the door.


THE END

[Mr. Pointy]

Good story n4h

[rene]

i loved it it was really funny and the writing was excellent

[nerd4hire]

I was just reading some of the other fanfic, and I realized the writer usually comments on the comments.

Sorry. I forgot to thank all you guys for the kind things you said. (Especially Allycat, who said it was weird. I like weird.)

[Black Eye Guy]

lmao! Fantasic story, It was so funny, you can write the characters so well.

"Excuse me" interupted Joyce, "At this point our sympathies are supposed to be with the human butchering, vampire dog, is that correct?"

That was a perfect Joyce Line! Totally pictue her saying it, as I could with Spikes line:

I don't come to your house, shoutin n screamin, and carryin on.

[Angel's vision]

i liked the hacienda quote soooo funny! keep these stories comming N4H. The weirder the better!

[nerd4hire]

What? No-one likes Dawn's penquin crack? That was my favourite. I stole that from an old thread of someone else's on the main boards somewhere. :)

They were talking about "Do animals become Vampires?"

[Black Eye Guy]

Yeah I loved Dawns joke, That was very Dawn. It was a very cool concept, the idea of vampire animals.

[Spirit_Of_Fred]

it was a good story, and it was short so i had time to read it. and i liked your characterization of spike; it was perfect. i love little ficlet stories cause i actually have time to finish the whole thing, and this was a very good one. you should write more like it.

[eunsoma]

i cannot get over how well you wrote the characters, they were perfect!! I could imagine each character saying every line! You did a really good job, I'd like to read more of your writing, if you're up for it?

[nerd4hire]

Thanks, and no prob. Go here

Fanfic to Art thread (http://buffy-boards.com/showthread.php?t=25724)

and click the banners with links. :)