• Thank you for visiting Buffy-Boards. You obviously have exceptional taste. We just want you to know that:

    1. You really should register so you can chat with us!

    2. Fourteen thousand people can't be wrong.

    3. Buffy-Boards loves you.

    4. See 1 through 3.

    Come on, register already!

Did Anya love Xander?

Xillow

Townie
Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
6
Age
32
I was recently rewatching season 7 and in episode 7x05 "selfless" when Xander tells Anya that even though they're not together anymore she's still a Scooby and doesn't have to be alone she replies: "Yes, I should. My whole life I've just clung to whatever came along"

I think that this pretty much proves she never really loved Xander. She wasnt upset at him at that moment so I dont think it was just to get back at him and on top of that Xander has just risk his life to protect her from Buffy/D'Hoffrin

Pretty devastating to hear that the best relationship and the one closest to ever work was never real.

Also makes me understand Xander's haters even less, the guy constantly gets ridiculed by his supposed best friends and just keeps coming back and risking everything for them

What do you guys think?
Did Anya ever loved Xander?
Did Xander deserved being mistreated constantly by his friends (even though, yes he also made a lot of mistakes)?
 

Faded90

Scooby
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
969
Age
64
I think she definitely did but there is definitely a case of wanting to rush it along because she feels it what should be happening. She totally loses her identity in the relationship

How is Xander treat badly by his friends? I think they’re consistently incredibly supportive and understanding to him. They’re far less judgemental towards him than he ever is to them
 

Xillow

Townie
Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
6
Age
32
@Faded90
There are a lot of examples, but just this one should be enough: In season 3 Cordy spills the beans about Xander sleeping outside in Christmas 'cause he didn't wanna hear his family argue. Nobody tried to confort him, Buffy even asked Faith if she wanted to have diner with them but didn't ask Xander

I feel since 3x08(the episode where Xander and Willow get caught), Buffy and Willow only worry about Xander when there's something huge (for example, they didn't care about Xander's wedding(never asked him how he feels), but showed up the big day 'cause that is what they're supposed to do)

It seems to me that the only feelings that matter are those of Buffy/Willow/Dawn
 
Last edited:

Faded90

Scooby
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
969
Age
64
@Faded90
There are a lot of examples, but just this one should be enough: In season 3 Cordy spills the beans about Xander sleeping outside in Christmas 'cause he didn't wanna hear his family argue. Nobody tried to confort him, Buffy even asked Faith if she wanted to have diner with them but didn't ask Xander

I feel since 3x08(the episode where Xander and Willow get caught), Buffy and Willow only worry about Xander when there's something huge (for example, they didn't care about Xander's wedding(never asked him how he feels), but showed up the big day 'cause that is what they're supposed to do)

It seems to me that the only feelings that matter are those of Buffy/Willow/Dawn
Xander proposed to Anya of his own volition. Why would they have any reason to believe he had doubts?
 

KaitKat

Potential
Joined
Aug 9, 2021
Messages
360
Age
30
I think you’re both right about certain things. I think Anya loved Xander but when she was with him her whole identity was tied to him. All of her friends are his even her job which is the one thing that’s hers was given to her by one of Xander’s friends. She loves him but she needs to figure out who Anya is without being Xander’s girlfriend or a vengeance demon.


Xander does get forgiven fairly quickly for some pretty ridiculous things. However his friends aren’t always good to him, the example you pointed out about Christmas in Season 3 being the worst. I will say though Buffy wasn’t going to invite Faith either her mom made her because she was aware of Faith’s situation, she may not be aware of Xander’s but Buffy is. She was too wrapped up with Angel in this episode to worry about it.


I will say in Season 6 everyone is self absorbed. Nobody asks anyone how they are coping with anything. Xander however appears to have his life together in comparison to his friends so nobody is really worried about him.
 

Xillow

Townie
Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
6
Age
32
Xander proposed to Anya of his own volition. Why would they have any reason to believe he had doubts?
I'm not talking necessarily about doubts, just about feelings/plans, the only time they talk about the wedding is in 6x15 when Willow says(not exact words) "I just to spend hours imagining how my wedding with Xander would be, now I look at them and think (mock sound)"

I'm not the one to easily get offended but that's pretty messed up coming from sb who's been you bestfriend for 17 years at that point.

They've all done messed up things to each other and most are forgivable, I'm not the kind that hates every caracter for a couple of mistakes, but one thing is to mess up in the heat of the moment or while in love or when you're 17 and another is to be deliverately cruel.

Xander makes big mistakes 'cause jealousy, inmaturity... but I don't remember any time he's been straight up cruel with his friends, Buffy and Wil were numerous times specially after season 3
 

Faded90

Scooby
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
969
Age
64
I'm not talking necessarily about doubts, just about feelings/plans, the only time they talk about the wedding is in 6x15 when Willow says(not exact words) "I just to spend hours imagining how my wedding with Xander would be, now I look at them and think (mock sound)"

I'm not the one to easily get offended but that's pretty messed up coming from sb who's been you bestfriend for 17 years at that point.

They've all done messed up things to each other and most are forgivable, I'm not the kind that hates every caracter for a couple of mistakes, but one thing is to mess up in the heat of the moment or while in love or when you're 17 and another is to be deliverately cruel.

Xander makes big mistakes 'cause jealousy, inmaturity... but I don't remember any time he's been straight up cruel with his friends, Buffy and Wil were numerous times specially after season 3
Infairness Willow’s comment there is more about them stressing over the practicalities of their wedding like seating charts and picking up families etc. I think Willow is just being like ‘I can’t believe I used to think wedding planning was all this fun’ I don’t think she was being cruel
 

AstridDante

Potential
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
384
Age
43
I guess but to me she seemed more in love with he represented…stability, security and normality
 

Ethan Reigns

Scooby
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Messages
7,852
Location
Canada
Sineya
The true story is in "The Prom":

Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
Xander: Then why you talking to me?
Anya: (averts her eyes) I don't have a date for the prom.
Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch?
Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me?
Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which.
Anya: You know, this happens to be all your fault.
Xander: My fault?
Anya: You were unfaithful to Cordelia so I took on the guise of a twelfth-grader to tempt her with the Wish. When I lost my powers I got stuck in this persona, and now I have all these feelings. I don't understand it. I don't like it. All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me.
Xander: Be still my heart. Oh wait, it is. How come I got the short straw?

This is the true Anya. When she lost her powers, she got stuck as a hormone-bomb Grade 12 student because that's the guise she took on to talk to Cordelia. She retains her adolescent persona, sort of like Dawn with the exception that her plight was her own fault. Anya grew to love the thought of being Mrs. Harris and was in love with love but not with Xander.
 

Anyanka Bunny Slayer

Of The Abyss
Joined
Dec 17, 2015
Messages
9,973
Black Thorn
Anya didn't love Xander. She liked the attention he gave her, the sex, and not being alone. After Olaf cheated on her with the barmaid(s), she despised ALL men. But I think Xander made her feel needed and special. She enjoyed that.
 

Bop

Scooby
Joined
Apr 8, 2017
Messages
3,089
Age
22
Sineya
I think at first both Xander and Anya clung to each other because they were just convenient to each other. I don't think Xander truly starts appreciating Anya until season 5, because he takes what happened between Buffy and Riley as a cautionary tale about appreciating your partner more.
And then I think Xander got obsessed with the idea of being a successful, married man so he proposed too soon before he had even truly digested who Anya was, as we see he's disgusted/frightened by her past as a demon.

So it's hard to say if there was genuine love between them.
 

Xillow

Townie
Joined
Aug 23, 2021
Messages
6
Age
32
I think at first both Xander and Anya clung to each other because they were just convenient to each other. I don't think Xander truly starts appreciating Anya until season 5, because he takes what happened between Buffy and Riley as a cautionary tale about appreciating your partner more.
And then I think Xander got obsessed with the idea of being a successful, married man so he proposed too soon before he had even truly digested who Anya was, as we see he's disgusted/frightened by her past as a demon.

So it's hard to say if there was genuine love between them.
Well Xander definetely loved her, no doubt about that and I would have said the same about Anya 'till I rewatched "selfless" but after that, It feels like she was just obsessed but never loved him.

I was hoping with this post that you would convince me otherwise since they're definetely my favourite couple specially in seasons 4 and 5 and it was pretty sad to find out that it was never real
 

Priceless

Scooby
Joined
Jan 25, 2016
Messages
9,011
Location
UK
I agree that they both loved the idea of each other rather than the actual person they are. But it's complicated by Anya not knowing herself very well and trying to be a reflection of what Xander saw her as.
 
Top Bottom