I don't think Spike was taunting in the sense he was going "your mum didn't love you, nah nah nah nah nah", but I think he was being very blunt in how he phrased his words.
That's exactly what Spike said; my Mum loved me and your Mum didn't love you. If she had loved you then she wouldn't have been the slayer, blah blah. It was laughable how little Spike understood of what it meant to be a slayer, to be a mother, to have obligation that you couldn't walk away from. After that I doubted every 'truth' the guy had ever uttered and reevaluated them.
The sad fact is that Buffy, a slayer and also who had the obligation of motherhood thrust upon her at a young age, agrees with Spike of all people and never even attempts to sympathize with Wood.
Lots of dislike for that episode and those characters, right there. But that's OT.
The coat was very important to Spike as a character, he's not Spike without the coat. I think what's interesting is, after he got his soul, Spike didn't wear the coat but had it packed away in a box. The coat represented the vampire in him and it was as if he was rejecting that side of himself. When Buffy gave her little buck up speech to him and Willow, he went and retrieved his coat. The whole putting it on scene combined with the music had a very much "I'm back" vibe to it. He was embracing that side of himself, and since it enabled him to defeat the demon, made him a much better fighter. Rather than choosing between one or the other, he accepted both sides of himself. Also, because the coat is an integral part of Spike's character, the writers could hardly have him say "keep the coat".
They could've had Spike reject going to far 'back into himself', that would've been interesting, that struggle to find a balance- where to draw the line. But nope, he puts on the coat and he';s the Big Bad again. Boring.
Faith did it MUCH better in 'Release'- where to draw the line, how to be a good fighter whilst also holding onto her humanity. Wesley pushed her one way, and she pushed back. Spike should've done the same instead of rolling over for Buffy maybe?
Also its disturbing. Spike with a soul is- for all intents and purposes- a blank slate. Like Angel he can remake himself in a way to get over his horrible past. I could understand that. Instead he revels in it- that's what the coat says to me. Not acceptance,
pride. (this is evident in 'Damage' and 'TGIQ') He's wearing a trophy, a kill. I have never seen any other character - a reformed one- do this and I don't particularly like it.
I guess I would say that Spike is heroic, he does hero-things, but he isn't a nice guy. Mildly put.
Both men had mommy issues but on separate ends of the scale. Spike thought his mother didn't really love him because of what was said after her siring but overcame them by accepting the fact that actually she did love him and it was the demon talking not her. Robin pictured Nikki as this doting mother who was cruelly taken from him and couldn't accept the fact that he wasn't the sole focus of her life.
I would've like to see more empathy from Mr. intuitive sensitive poet-guy to be honest. Maybe something along the lines of 'both my Mum and your Mum were victims of ME, the demon, and I know the anger and the pain that you feel, cause I've felt it for about a hundred years- that loss and pain.'
Again, the writers went a different way- I get that, but it still feels like Spike is bullying and belittling somebody who he caused a large amount of pain and had the chance to apologize to.
I know, Wood tried to kill him, but Holtz took Angel's son, and he still heard the guy out.