Xander in "Grave"

[heckate]

So, for years I could never understand why "Grave" ended the way it did, with Xander talking Willow down, saving the world by telling her "I love you." It would make sense if Willow and Xander's relationship had been explored at all during the season, an acknowledgement that they were growing apart or anything. But there wasn't, so I always thought it was so out of the blue. I suppose it would make sense for Xander to be the one, considering they are such old friends, but it's bad TV writing if you don't lead up to it throughout the season. And saving the world with an "I love you"? Cheesy, amiright?

So I've always been so boggled, because it seems like such a silly thing for the writers to overlook. As it is, it should certainly have been Buffy who talked her down, since their friendship was explored throughout the season, and they were the ones with specific anger towards each other, Willow having put Dawn in danger.

And then one night last month, I was laying in bed thinking, as I often do, about the show. And, suddenly, I finally got it:
Xander said "I love you" when Willow was at her most powerful and most hateful in order to bring out of her vengeance spree, because it was the same thing he said to her at her very weakest, just before she did her very first spell and stepped onto the path of magic, that brought her out of her coma in Season 2.

Was this obvious to everyone else? Am I just an idiot? I didn't realize it for 9 years. If only they had reminded us about that little moment, 'cause THAT'S good writing. And it's still no excuse for not leading up to it throughout the season. Season 5 clearly built up to Buffy's suicide, which saved the day in the end. There's no excuse for Season 6 not dropping hints about Xander. Still, this was pretty clever and I can only assume the writers did it on purpose. It doesn't really work if it takes a decade to finally get it, though...!

I still have lots of issues with that last scene, again the lack of buildup with Xander was well as the fact that the temple she was raising, too, was not mentioned before. And why the heck did they make up some brand new crayon story we've never heard before instead of literally anything else? WHY not the Barbie story from episode 1? Or being too afraid to leave campus for lunch in Season 3? Or choosing not to kill her vampire self? So many instances of Willow's former innocence, why make up something brand new?

Anywho -- Am I crazy? Was this callback super obvious to everyone else and I'm just a little slow? Or did you guys have an "aha!" moment several years later as well?

 

[GothicBuffy]

Fantastic observation, I hadn't made that specific connection before. That makes the yellow crayon speech make more thematic sense. I agree- the buildup to this scene felt very rushed with the Xander component.
I love Xander and Willow's friendship and while I do love the yellow crayon speech in its own, it felt out of place at the end of the season. If there was more time devoted to them this season, then it would make sense.
Sadly, after season 4, it felt like their friendships were drifting apart. There was that scene at the end of season 4 where they all hug and talk about wanting to be close, but then they never really go back to being a tight knit circle despite the show's theme of found family and the importance of friendship. I think losing that factor also made the finale have a little less impact.

 

[thetopher]

I've never read of this connection before and if it is a deliberate call-back then its a good one.

But I would point to 'Hell Belles' which has some really nice Xander/Willow interaction and emphasizes their long and deep friendship, she is his best man after all.

Also I remember the first time I watched 'Two To Go' when Jonathan talking about sweet, high school Willow and her packed lunches and thinking that 'Hey, Xander has the best chance of talkiing Willow out of doing something crazy'.
Obviously I didn't know what the stakes or circumstances would be but that it was Xander who was the one to do it? Made perfect sense.

 

[Faded90]

Good observation!

I have to say in general I hate Grave and think it’s pretty terribly done as a whole but I think they kind of show a good difference between Buffy in The Gift and Xander in Grave. Buffy continuously HAS to think of the fate of the world, it’s her job to prioritse this, her reaction to Dark Willow in Grave is ‘I won’t let Willow destroy the world I’m supposed to protect’. Xander’s job isn’t to save the world so he’s there simply to be there for Willow even if she does end up destroying it

 

[AlphaFoxtrot]

I never had any problems with Grave. Willow wasn't going to be out fought by Buffy, or out magicked by Giles. So, when the hand and the mind have failed, the heart is the only path left. Xander managed to force her to grieve through compassion. And that's really the only way to endure this phase of life, take care of the people who love you.

Also, it's reminiscent of the great fantasties, where the hero wins because of their personal virtue, as opposed to strength of Arms. Frodo is merciful to Gollum. Luke spares Vader. Harry sacrifices himself to Voldemort.

It was Buffy's victory. Buffy taught courage to Xander, including the courage to love. The mark of a true hero is how she inspires others to action, is it not?

Also, I like the prayer of St Francis. It's apparently not a good prayer per se, but it's a nice sentiment, and the song is good.

 

[Bop]

I don't know I think even if Xander had been gone the whole of season 6 and just showed up in Grave I would think it's the right moment for him. Willow and Xander have a much longer friendship than Willow and Buffy and throughout the season Willow's having an identity crisis like when she says she thinks she was a nobody before learning magic and that Tara didn't even know that girl. Well ever since Buffy arrived in Sunnydale Willow started to grow in confidence so arguably Buffy didn't really know that version of Willow either. But Xander did since he's known Willow since she was five.

 

[Cohen]

Honestly, I had a sense that they really didn't know where they were going with Season 6, when they were planning it. Wheras season 5 was in Whedon's mind since at least the end of Season 3, season 6 wasn't really thought about until pre-production of season 6 began. I think that's what's so infuriating to fans about the season, because the only thought they had about season 6 was "needs to be dark because adult=dark". The Dark Willow arc really should have been longer than 3 episodes. She goes from vengeance to world-ending WAY too quickly, and they spend WAY too much time in the magic box doing not a whole lot between "Two to Go"/"Grave".

 

[Faded90]

Honestly, I had a sense that they really didn't know where they were going with Season 6, when they were planning it. Wheras season 5 was in Whedon's mind since at least the end of Season 3, season 6 wasn't really thought about until pre-production of season 6 began. I think that's what's so infuriating to fans about the season, because the only thought they had about season 6 was "needs to be dark because adult=dark". The Dark Willow arc really should have been longer than 3 episodes. She goes from vengeance to world-ending WAY too quickly, and they spend WAY too much time in the magic box doing not a whole lot between "Two to Go"/"Grave".

They’ve openly admitted they didn’t know what to do with Buffy herself in Grave. Which is just clear proof they had no idea what they were doing when they planned the season that you get to the grand finale and don’t know what to do with your titular main character. I’ve no problem with Buffy not being the main hero of the episode but she’s a glorified extra for most of this episode.
Plus I have no idea how ‘back off superbitch’ made it into the final script

 

[darkspook]

I’ve no problem with Buffy not being the main hero of the episode but she’s a glorified extra for most of this episode.

Makes a change usually Xander is the glorified extra! Season 6 struggles with just being repetitve and dragging on. As mentioned Willow's descent into darkness aka Dark Willow should have happened for longer than just 3 episodes. That would have been dramatic to see former friends on different sides for longer.

 

[Cohen]

A cool read is the "Dark Willow" trilogy. Though not perfect, it is interesting to see how Willow continues her evil streak, instead of the 3 episodes we got.

 

[r2dh2]

They’ve openly admitted they didn’t know what to do with Buffy herself in Grave. Which is just clear proof they had no idea what they were doing when they planned the season that you get to the grand finale and don’t know what to do with your titular main character. I’ve no problem with Buffy not being the main hero of the episode but she’s a glorified extra for most of this episode.
Plus I have no idea how ‘back off superbitch’ made it into the final script

You know, I like what they do with Buffy in Grave. The fighting scenes with Dawn in the underground cave are fitting, IMO. The whole season Dawn is feeling alone, neglected and useless. And here, she proves that she can take care of herself with the right guidance and training. I really like the bonding moment that they have and Buffy realizing that she doesn’t want to hide Dawn from the world but show it to her.

I also find the symbolism of Buffy and Dawn climbing out of the hole quite nice. Buffy has left behind the worst of her depression, she still will face her biggest challenge in S7, but for now, she ready to join life and bring Dawn with her. Buffy walking in front of Dawn, but then Dawn joining her and walking by her side and looking to the horizon is uplifting. It’s a nice transition scene to Lessons where she’s actively training Dawn. I wish they would have kept that bond during S7, it gets lost when the potentials arrive.

 

[gwenogjones]

Plus I have no idea how ‘back off superbitch’ made it into the final script

'back off superbitch' is positively Shakespeare compared to the worst line in all of television: 'I'm so juiced'.

I think Xander is the right person to save Willow, I think his arc in these 3 episodes makes sense and I think this is a real highlight for him as a character. There are many things about s6 which don't work for me - including most of Willow's story line - but Xander's speech is perfect, only bettered by his 'you're not special, you're extraordinary one' in s7.

I also think it works that Willow's spiral out of control has happened because of an ordinary man, using an ordinary weapon (Warren and his gun) and she is saved by an ordinary man and something as 'ordinary' as love and friendship. It really shows, in a series about super heroes and special powers, how important and impactful ordinary people and the choices they make (good and bad) are to the world. It is probably the most 'human' season finale and Buffy and Angel are shows all about humanity.

 

[FirstEvil78]

Makes a change usually Xander is the glorified extra! Season 6 struggles with just being repetitve and dragging on. As mentioned Willow's descent into darkness aka Dark Willow should have happened for longer than just 3 episodes. That would have been dramatic to see former friends on different sides for longer.

I liked Xander arc in S6. Hells Bells is one of my favorite episodes.

I also find the symbolism of Buffy and Dawn climbing out of the hole quite nice. Buffy has left behind the worst of her depression, she still will face her biggest challenge in S7, but for now, she ready to join life and bring Dawn with her. Buffy walking in front of Dawn, but then Dawn joining her and walking by her side and looking to the horizon is uplifting. It’s a nice transition scene to Lessons where she’s actively training Dawn. I wish they would have kept that bond during S7, it gets lost when the potentials arrive.

I have to watch Grave again. I don't remember this part. They used the prayer of St Francis song, right?

I don't know I think even if Xander had been gone the whole of season 6 and just showed up in Grave I would think it's the right moment for him. Willow and Xander have a much longer friendship than Willow and Buffy and throughout the season Willow's having an identity crisis like when she says she thinks she was a nobody before learning magic and that Tara didn't even know that girl. Well ever since Buffy arrived in Sunnydale Willow started to grow in confidence so arguably Buffy didn't really know that version of Willow either. But Xander did since he's known Willow since she was five.

Xander and Willow are family. I like what the writers did in this episode. Maybe having Buffy and Dawn around would have been better.

 

[spikenbuffy]

Now that Xander & Willow have lost both their lovers, at the end of S6, they need each other more than ever.

 

[heckate]

'back off superbitch' is positively Shakespeare compared to the worst line in all of television: 'I'm so juiced'.

Eurgh, I hate that line! It's like, we think we're done with the drug stuff and then they throw it back in. I guess being full of dark evil magic also makes your dialogue bad? They really made Will a generic villain, with some totally cringe lines. I wish she kept some personality during those episodes.

A cool read is the "Dark Willow" trilogy. Though not perfect, it is interesting to see how Willow continues her evil streak, instead of the 3 episodes we got.

That DOES sound interesting... What is it? Books? I read some Buffy books back in the day but the writing was always so yucky compared to the show. Sounds fun though and I'm off work for the next three weeks, sooo.....!

I also think it works that Willow's spiral out of control has happened because of an ordinary man, using an ordinary weapon (Warren and his gun) and she is saved by an ordinary man and something as 'ordinary' as love and friendship.

Hey, that's a great point! I have no problem with it being Xander, and you're right that it kinda NEEDS to be Xander. I just wished it wasn't so out of the blue. It's just sloppy writing to not have a little lead-up (outside of Hell's Bells, and I think this scene is just as much Xander's redemption for that as it is Will's return to humanity).

 

[heckate]

A cool read is the "Dark Willow" trilogy. Though not perfect, it is interesting to see how Willow continues her evil streak, instead of the 3 episodes we got.

Okay, so I googled this and the title "Wicked Willow: The Darkening" is just the silliest, corniest thing I've ever seen so now I simply have to read it. It sounds like the geek trio named it! 😂

 

[Cohen]

Okay, so I googled this and the title "Wicked Willow: The Darkening" is just the silliest, corniest thing I've ever seen so now I simply have to read it. It sounds like the geek trio named it! 😂

It actually is really good. Some of the plot is out there. But in my opinion a much better version than what we got in the TV show!

 

[buffysmagic]

I think xander stopping willow was actually one of the right decisions made by the writers for this episode. Xander, since the scoobies formed, struggled to find his footing , with episodes like ‘the zeppo’ proving that he always felt like an outcast. A strong theme for his character in this episode, and in season 6 (especially the second half) is that he has no idea what he’s really doing, he’s just left anya at the alter, who he clearly loved, and he’s realised he hasn’t really been close to buffy or willow. In both two to go and grave you can tell this insecurity is really playing on xander’s mind, like when he tells dawn he can’t even manage to run away properly. So, i think it was pretty perfect to have xander stop willow from ending the world and to reminisce on the friendship they’ve always had that was very distant in season 6 (as were all friendships in this season tbf). Willow and buffy have a very different relationship to willow and xander and i also felt like having xander be the one to stop willow, gave buffy the chance to finally bond with dawn on an emotional level and strengthen their bond.

 

[Cohen]

@buffysmagic I agree that Xander was right to save the day. It really showcased the idea of familial support helping to bring you out of depression/addiction. First is acceptance, but then you need that support from family that says ¨Yeah, you effed up, but I love you anyway¨. Which is something addicts and those suffering from depression NEED in order to turn their life around.

 

[Veronique]

I think xander stopping willow was actually one of the right decisions made by the writers for this episode. Xander, since the scoobies formed, struggled to find his footing , with episodes like ‘the zeppo’ proving that he always felt like an outcast. A strong theme for his character in this episode, and in season 6 (especially the second half) is that he has no idea what he’s really doing, he’s just left anya at the alter, who he clearly loved, and he’s realised he hasn’t really been close to buffy or willow. In both two to go and grave you can tell this insecurity is really playing on xander’s mind, like when he tells dawn he can’t even manage to run away properly. So, i think it was pretty perfect to have xander stop willow from ending the world and to reminisce on the friendship they’ve always had that was very distant in season 6 (as were all friendships in this season tbf). Willow and buffy have a very different relationship to willow and xander and i also felt like having xander be the one to stop willow, gave buffy the chance to finally bond with dawn on an emotional level and strengthen their bond.

Xander can be annoying and Willow makes many mistakes, but they have such a strong bond 😍. I love their friendship.